Waiting my turn to enter a rotary intersection, I noticed a guy drive around twice, then leave by the same road he'd entered. His vanity license plate read "GENIUS." --Kathleen Gowdy

A young guy who’s never picked up a golf club decides to take lessons. The pro shows him the basics, then says, “OK, now try to hit the ball towards the flag on the first green.”

The novice tees off and drives the ball 300m. It lands on the green, just centimetres from the hole. “Now what?” he says.

“Uh,” stammers the pro, “you’re supposed to hit the ball into the cup.”

The beginner says, “Now you tell me.”

As I left my office at the National Cancer Institute, I passed one of our researchers by the front door puffing away on a cigarette. "How can you smoke when you, of all people, know the harm caused by cigarettes?" I asked. He took another draw, exhaled, and replied through the smoke, "Because it gives me more motivation to find a cure." --Steven Zhang

A little boy was brought into our emergency room after ingesting part of a plug-in air freshener. After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor wrote on his discharge, "Patient doing well. Ready to go home. Smells good." --Jeannine Spencer

I arrived home after a busy morning of appointments. I’d gone to the hair salon to have my hair coloured, and then to the chiropractor. Walking in, I overheard my husband talking on the phone.

“She’s not here,” he said. “She’s gone out for a paint job and then a realignment.” Arlene Shovald

The manager called an employee into his office and told him, “Jenkins, I’ve decided to make you the plant manager.”

“Gee, thanks, boss,” the worker gushed. “What do I have to do?”

“Just water them every day,” replied the manager. Allan Emslie, West Chermside, Qld

During the year that my husband, Bob, was undergoing expensive dental reconstruction, he got to know everyone in the dentist's office. When a couple of staffers teased him about his garbled speech after he got a mouth-numbing anesthetic, Bob replied, "Well, it's hard to talk with $3,000 in your mouth." --Mary W. Mathis