One of my friends, a musician, is always upbeat. Nothing gets her down. But when she developed ringing in one ear, I was concerned it might overwhelm even her. When I asked if her condition was especially annoying to a musician, she shook her head. "Not really," she said cheerfully. "The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello a half-tone lower."    --Kathleen Cahill

After I warned the nurse taking blood that it would be very hard to find a vein on me, she said, "Don't worry. We've seen worse. Last year we had a girl come in to get a blood test for her marriage license and we had to stick her six times in four places before we got anything.""Yes, I know," I said. "That was me!" --Connie Down

Three vampires walk into a bar. "What can I get ya?" asks the bartender. "Blood," orders the first vampire."Make it two," says the second. The bartender looks at the third. "What about you, buddy?" "Plasma," says the vampire. "Okay," replies the barman. "Let me make sure I've got this straight. Two bloods and a blood light."    --Weston Davis

My mother taught for 11 years at a day-care center. One winter afternoon she was trying to show a young boy how to zip up his coat. "The secret," Mom said, "is to get this piece of the zipper to fit in the other side before you try to zip it up." After struggling with the zipper for several minutes, the boy sighed and said, "Why does it have to be a secret?" --Elizabeth C. Boulter

Worshippers are greeted by these words at the Travelers Rest Church: "Do Not Sit on Steps." --Dennis Rosen

I was not thrilled with the idea of letting my clueless 13-year-old son babysit his younger sisters, even though he begged me to. "What about a fire?" I asked, referring to my No. 1 concern. "Mom," he said, rolling his eyes, "I'm a Boy Scout. I know how to start a fire." --Jo Walker

She's only in her 40s, but my friend Mary has bounced back from cancer, heart problems, even a stroke. Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. One day she said, "You know what kills me ... ?"Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing." --Christina Curley