Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave "right now"—at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling.On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rearview mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at your mom," he said. "She didn't put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theater."From the back I heard, "Yeah, but Mom doesn't need makeup." My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued, "Nobody looks at her."    --Delores Brewington

When my daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip—not enough for even a modest lunch—we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it. Thinking quickly, my daughter then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds, then put the fish back down. The cats dug right in.     --Susan Ward

If you arrest a mime, do you still have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?    --Michael Morse

Q: Where does a one-armed man shop? A: At a secondhand store.

Winner of the Self-Defeating Sign on a Store Periodicals Rack Award: "Do Not Read Magazines! --Mike Hannon

For 15 minutes a small crowd watched my surf-fishing husband struggle to haul in something big. The drama ended when his catch turned out to be a waterlogged 4 x 4. As Ed worked the hook out of the chunk of lumber, a man in the crowd called out, "What did you use for bait, your Home Depot card?" --Toni Buhrer

In the midst of a creative writing assignment we were doing in class, I asked my first-grade students to come up with a good name for the main character."Chicago," called out one student."Actually, I was looking for more of a Christian name," I said. "St. Louis!" he yelled back. --Brite Templeton