The generation gap proved glaringly obvious at the mail-order music company where my wife works as a customer service representative. Some college students, who were working part-time inputting customer information, wrote the following notes regarding some golden oldies: "Customer is looking for two song titles: 'Shovel Off Two Buffaloes' and 'Honey, Suck a Rose.' "    --John Casares

Needing to shed a few pounds, my husband and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. I followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful—we never felt hungry!But when we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it, I checked the recipes again. There, in fine print, was "Serves 6." --Barbara Currie

A Harley rider eating in a restaurant is checking out a gorgeous redhead. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The biker reaches up, snatches it out of the air, and hands it back to her. "I am so embarrassed," the woman says. "Please join me for dinner."They enjoy a wonderful meal together and afterwards she invites him to the theater, followed by drinks. She pays for everything. Then she asks him to her place for a nightcap, and to stay for breakfast. The next morning the guy is amazed. "Are you this nice to every biker you meet?" he asks. "Not usually," she replies. "But you just happened to catch my eye." --From the Internet

This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"? The bartender says, "No we only sell beer here". The duck leaves. The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"? The bartender says, "No I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves. The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "no". The duck asks “Do you have any grapes"? --Scott Pruitt

A survey sent out to our contractors posed the question "What motivates you to come to work every day?" One guy answered, "Probation officer." --E. Hewitt

One thing I’ve learned from my last relationship is that if an argument starts with "What did you mean by that?" it’s not going to end with "Now I know what you mean by that." --Donald Glover

During my time in the Navy, everyone was getting KP or guard duty except me. Not wanting to get in trouble, I asked the ensign why. "What's your name?" he asked. "Michael Zyvoloski." "That's why. I can't pronounce it, much less spell it." -- Michael J. Zyvoloski