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• Life's Like That, April 2006

Life's Like That, April 2006

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Servers at Disney World’s Cinderella Castle treat you like royalty – literally. After lunch our waiter asked, “Is there anything else My Lord Master wishes?” “Yes,” I joked. “I’d like my wife to treat me just like this at home.” He bowed to my wife. “My Lord Master desires to be treated like a king in his castle. May I give him a reply?”


“Sure,” my wife said. “Tell him he’s spent a little too much time in Fantasyland.”

Terry Gray



We had a satellite dish installed on our roof and my 22-year-old son was trying to teach me how to operate the remote control. As I’m not the most technologically savvy person, the lesson was not going well. After repeating the instructions for the umpteenth time,he sighed, “This would be a lot easier if you were 12.”
Paula Maharrey



My sister’s children finally got their turn to take home the school’s incredibly long-lived guinea pig, Peter. However, after enjoying his company for a few days, my sister was horrified to find it dead one morning. She and her husband hid the cage under their bed and dashed off to the pet shop to replace the guinea pig before anyone was the wiser. The pet-shop owner listened carefully to their detailed description of Peter’s markings.

“You’re looking for the school guinea pig. I think I have another one,” he said in a soothing tone. “You’re not the first, you know. Guinea pigs don’t live very long.”
Carol Engelberts



No sooner had I plopped myself in the chair for my check-up than my dentist asked with a smirk, “Ready for your cavity search?”
Thomas Jankowski



The clothes shop sales assistant was offering a lot of unsolicited advice as my mother tried on pants. Each time Mum came out of the dressing room, it was “too short” or “too baggy” or, “No, no, no. Wrong colour.”It ended when my mother stepped out and heard, “Those are the worst yet.”

“These,” Mum said, “are mine.”
Stacy Baugh



While I waited outside for my wife to finish her shopping, my energetic toddler was zooming back and forth on the footpath, abruptly turning and stopping. An older man who’d just dodged her said, “She’s a cutie. How old?” “Two,” I replied.

“Just think,” he offered: “In 14 years she’ll drive that way.”
Aaron Sandlin





Despite knowing all about the hardships of farming, my cousin Lori married her high-school sweetheart and became a farmer’s wife.

During his toast to the bride, Lori’s uncle assured the groom that although Lori worked in town at the credit union, she had grown up on a farm and he was sure they’d have a happy life together. He concluded by saying, “I can think of no-one better suited to marry a farmer than the loans officer down at the credit union.”
Tanya Melnyk



Seeing as a friend of mine runs a pawnshop, I decided I would ask him to appraise my grandfather’s old maple violin.

“Old fiddles aren’t worth much, I’m afraid,” he explained. “So what makes it a fiddle and not a violin?” I asked him.

“If you’re buying it from me, it’s a violin,” he quickly replied. “But if I’m buying it from you, it’s a fiddle.”
Larry Bickel



It was no secret that my wife and I were trying to start a family. One day I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while.

“Got a bun in the oven yet?” she teased.

“Nope,” I sighed. “We’re still on preheat.”
Chris McCrellis-Mitchell



My sister was on a coach tour that included a visit to a rural property, the owner of which was renowned for his books of humorous verse. Several of the passengers bought his latest book and lined up to have them autographed.

When my sister reached him, the author asked her what she’d like him to write. “Oh, anything will do,” she replied. He scribbled for a few seconds and handed the book to her. Back in the coach, she opened the book to see he’d written, “Oh, anything will do.”
Ray Crane, Wadeville, NSW