Uma Thurman admits how she is still trying to balance single motherhood and superstardom

Few of us get to fulfil the when-I-grow-up fantasies of our childhood. Astronaut, pilot, firefighter: those baby ambitions usually pass away. Uma Thurman is one of the lucky ones. As a girl, she wanted to be an actress. Her mother, who knew a thing or two about show business, told her to pick something more realistic. But Uma held on, and held out. And by age 16, she'd landed her first big-screen role.

Thirty films and 20 years later, Thurman, 36, has realised her career dream and more. In movies such as Gattaca, Pulp Fiction and The Avengers, Thurman has wielded her talent and icy good looks to great effect. But her personal life of late has hardly been smooth. She's still nursing the wounds from her 2004 divorce from second husband Ethan Hawke, who is rumoured to have been unfaithful while he was away on a film project. The couple have two young children, Maya, 8, and Levon, 4.

Thurman says her priority is her daughter and son now, so for the past few years she has chosen only roles that allow her to shoot in New York, where the family lives.

RD spent a late lunch talking to Thurman on the eve of the release of her upcoming comedy, My Super Ex-Girlfriend. She talks to us about her life, her work and her future.

RD: How's it going since the divorce?

Thurman: Why am I still feeling this? Because it leaches out of you slowly. One always wishes it would be faster. Wouldn't we all like to just have one big, stupid cry like they do in the movies, and then it's over?

RD: What ways do you make your kids feel safe in the wake of the divorce?

Thurman: First, do no harm. And then try to build a positive outlook and a sense of wholeness. They're doing well. They're remarkable little people. Of course I think they're stunning, extraordinary human beings.

RD: Are you close to your parents and your three brothers?

Thurman: Oh, yeah, very. They're great. It's really wonderful. There are so many ebbs and flows in life, but when you're raising small children, your family means everything.

RD: You have an interesting family.

Thurman: But I had a very traditional background as well. My parents are neat people. I'm lucky to have been raised in the most beautiful place - Amherst, Massachusetts, state of my heart. I'm more patriotic to Massachusetts than to almost any place.

RD: Your mother was a model. Your father, a former Tibetan Buddhist monk, teaches at Columbia University.

Thurman: Because of him, I often get asked if I'm a Buddhist. I always say no, because I have such respect for the rigour of being a practising religious person. I'm an actress and mom, and I probably don't have enough of an active spiritual life. And I don't know why people run around calling themselves by the names of religions when they don't actually practise them.

RD: How did your mum influence you?

Thurman: She's a very strongly independent person. She went off to make her future at a really young age. At around 15, she went from Stockholm to England. Imagine that in about 1950.

RD: She's now a psychotherapist, right?

Thurman: She never actually formally practised. She was a stay-at-home mom who raised four children with no help, which is a lot of work. But she went back to school in her early 40s and got a degree.

RD: You're the beautiful daughter of a model. Yet you've said many times that you were uncomfortable with your looks when you were younger.

Thurman: My mother always made it very clear to me that, whatever you look like now, you're going to look worse later. Don't get too attached to your beauty because it's not yours to keep. Don't go around thinking that it's some big bonus and that you can count on it. And I was not classically attractive. I've always been sort of an acquired taste.

RD: Are you surprised that you stuck with your plan to become  an actress?

Thurman: It is a surprise. I remember being, like, ten, and my mother asking me what I wanted to do. When I said, "I want to be an actress," she said, "Everybody does. Say something else. You've been watching too much TV." Today, it's sort of disturbing when a teenager says she wants to be an actress. It is such an unlikely thing to be able to do - not because you can't be good at it, but just because of what it takes to survive: luck, talent, holding your head in a certain way, endurance. You have to be able to take insults really well. And how obnoxious will you become if you are treated nicely and receive flattery?

RD: What's it like being a single mother, given your career?

Thurman: I don't get to stay home sick. My job is very unforgiving in that regard. And I haven't entirely figured out how to deal with it. I've avoided conflict by limiting my options. And I'm really grateful that I found things I could do that were here in New York.