When my brother got his MBA, our family treated him to a dinner cruise. A couple celebrating their seventh wedding anniversary were seated nearby. The husband called over, “Master’s degree in business – that’s quite an accomplishment.”
“So is seven years of marriage,” my brother replied.
“Yeah,” the man whispered, “but you’ve finished.”
Peggy Keane
Driving past a wind farm in our area, my mother-in-law remarked, “I don’t see the point of those. It must take an awful lot of electricity to keep them going.”
R. Hewell
Visiting an art gallery, I went to the desk to ask for a headset for the audio guide. The gallery supplies these without charge to patrons with hearing aids. I said to the attendant, “One pair of earphones; I’m hard of hearing.”
She gave me the earphones. “That will be six dollars, please,” she said.
“But miss,” I said, “I’m hard of hearing.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said, and then shouted, “SIX DOLLARS, PLEASE!”
Sue Ann Kogan
Shortly after airport authorities announced a ban on fluids in carry-on luggage, my son was stopped by security because they found a bottle of water in his bag.
“Sorry,” the officer said, tossing the bottle into a bin of confiscated items, “But water is now considered a liquid.”
Laurie Tone
A little white duck adopted a family of swans near our sailing club. It swam with them, ate with them and even adopted their mannerisms. We came up with a nickname for the little guy: “Swannabe”.
Clare McDowell
Finally, our last mortgage payment. To make a ceremony of it, we went to the bank and paid in person. The teller processed everything and handed me the closing papers.
Heading for the door, I suddenly remembered a rebate cheque I’d brought along to cash.
I went back to the same teller. “Sorry, we can’t do that,” she explained. “You don’t have an account here.”
William Tamalis
Because my husband works for the church, our family frequently has to attend social functions with priests and nuns. They’re all lovely people, but I always feel nervous around them. It didn’t help matters when my little daughter spilled lemonade on a nun at one event.
“That’s OK,” she said, smiling, as I frantically wiped at the stain. “It’s a dirty habit anyway.”
Brandii Baker
The dad in the supermarket clearly had a bad case of parental burnout. His toddler would not sit down in the trolley, and finally he snapped.
“If you fall and break your leg,” he scolded her, “don’t come running to me.”
Paul Groszkiewicz
Our surname is Stead, which is pronounced to rhyme with “bed” but, much to my family’s annoyance, people often call us Steed.
One day a woman from the local council came to see me. My mother opened the front door.
“Is Mr Steed in?” the woman asked.
“He’s Stead,” my mother snapped.
“Oh, my God,” the woman gasped. “And here I was talking to the poor man only yesterday.”
J. Stead
Whenever my family leaves the house, our sheepdog’s animal instincts start to kick in.
He runs circles around us and nips at our heels to keep us all together.
Watching this display, my friend couldn’t resist: “You always herd the ones you love.”
Jolene Hueholt
