Laughter, the Best Medicine February 2007

“Got any jobs?” a man asked the circus manager.

“I need a new assistant tamer,” the manager said.

Just then, the beautiful head tamer ran into the lion cage, flashing the man an eyeful of her spandex bodysuit. The lion slunk over, licked her ankles and rested his head at her feet.

“Could you do that?” the manager asked.

“No worries,” said the man. “Just get that lion out of the way.”
Scott Riva

A man travelling from Jerusalem to Jericho was attacked by bandits. They stripped him of his clothes and money, beat him up and left him half-dead on the roadside.

A priest came along, but when he saw the man lying there, he crossed to the other side of the road. Then a Levite came along and saw the man, but he too passed by.

Lastly, a social worker stopped, examined the man, looked concerned and declared, “Whoever did this needs help.”
Herbie Taylor

A man started car-sharing for his journey to work, but got more and more stressed with each trip. Finally, he went to the doctor. “I’m fine on bridges, in dense traffic and even in the dark after a long day,” the man explained. “But when I go through tunnels with three other people in the car, I feel like I’m going to explode. Am I crazy?”

“Not at all,” the doctor said. “You just have Car-pool Tunnel Syndrome.”
Noah Hart

A woman visits her late husband at the funeral parlour. When she sees him, she starts crying. “He’s wearing a black suit,” she tells the undertaker. “It was his last wish to be buried in blue.”

The undertaker apologises, saying that it’s standard to put bodies in a black suit, but he’ll see what he can arrange.

Next day, the woman returns and there is her husband in a blue suit.

“That’s wonderful,” she says. “Where did you get it?”

“After you left,” says the undertaker, “a man about your husband’s size was brought in wearing a blue suit. His wife said that he wanted to be buried in black and asked if there was anything we could do.”

The woman smiles gratefully. “After that,” the undertaker continues, “it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”

Three boys are bragging about their fathers.

“My dad can shoot an arrow and reach the target before the arrow does.”

“Well, my dad’s a hunter and he can fire his gun and be there before the bullet.”

“That’s nothing,” the third boy says. “My dad works for the council. He stops working at 4.30 and gets home by 3.45.”

Scientists advise that you shouldn’t use your mobile phone during a thunderstorm because of the risk of being struck by lightning.

You should also avoid using it in cinemas because of the risk of being strangled.
Ben Walsh