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• All in a Day’s Work, April 2007

All in a Day’s Work, April 2007

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Who says companies only care about the bottom line? Ours is socially conscious and offers employees fun outdoor activities throughout the complex.

Both of these admirable elements were driven home one day when a voice over the loudspeaker boomed, “Everyone who signed up to donate blood, please report to the rifle range!”
Lisa Carnes



Even though it was warm outside, the heat was on full blast in my office at the hospital. So I asked our nursing unit secretary to get someone to fix the air-conditioner.

This was a one-man job, so I couldn’t work out why two men showed up – until I was handed the maintenance request form. It read: “Head nurse is hot”.
Carolyn House

Businesses thrive when word gets out. The trick is choosing the right words.

• The flyer for a foot and ankle clinic invites people with fractures, heel spurs and arthritis to visit. Best of all: “Walk-Ins Welcome”.
Reed Cooper

• A specialist drycleaners has been doing business for so long, its ad brags: “50 years’ cleaning on the same spot”.
Joan Harris

• A sleep studies clinic needs volunteers. To qualify, explains its newspaper ad, participants must experience problems “falling asleep and staying asleep for at least three months”.
Don Ramsey



My mother-in-law was ecstatic when I was ordained a pastor. She quickly called one of her friends to brag, “Bob’s been pasteurised.”
Bob Baddeley

My laptop was driving me crazy. “The A, E, and I keys always stick,” I complained to a friend.

She was able to diagnose the problem. “Your computer is suffering from irritable vowel syndrome.”
Angie Bulakites

Lunching at a Chinese restaurant, my friend noticed his table had been set with forks but not chopsticks.

“Chopsticks are provided on request,” the waiter told him.

My friend had a better idea. “If you handed them out, you wouldn’t have to pay someone to wash the forks.”
“True,” came the response. “But then we’d have to hire three more people to clean up the mess.”
becquet.com

Don, my husband, rarely brings his job home. But having worked at a phone company for years, he can’t always avoid it. He once asked me to make an appointment for him with the optometrist.

“What should I say is wrong?” I asked.

He said, “Tell them my local is fine, but I’m having trouble with my long distance.”
Janice Gray



Since my purchases came to $19.05, I handed the cashier a $20 note.

“Do you have five cents?” she asked.

“Sorry,” I said after looking, “I have no cents.”

“Finally,” she muttered, “a man who can admit it.”
Kelly Smith

Many senior executives find talking with management consultants invaluable. My friend, a no-nonsense businessman who works for a large firm, is not one of them.

Halfway through their meeting, and noting my friend’s terse answers, the consultant asked, “How do you cope with managerial stress?”

“I don’t,” came the gruff reply. “I cause it.”
Clive Attwaters

When I put on my new chef uniform – a pair of very baggy, loud-striped pants – I was mildly horrified. But my wife was philosophical.

“It’s OK, darling,” she said in her soothing way. “You’re just a victim of circus pants.”
Brian Kimbell

Teaching is not for sensitive souls. While reviewing future, past and present tenses with my English class, I posed the question: “ ‘I am beautiful’ is what tense?”

One student raised her hand. “Past tense.”
Reema Rahat