Stand-up microphone Photo: iStock
A woman’s mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is always something at the bottom to surprise you. - Billy Connolly
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand. - Emo Philips
I just got a new iPod. It’s got 80 gigabytes. Because I like to jog for three weeks at a time and I do not want to hear the same song twice. - Arj Barker
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. - Mitch Hedberg
You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before. - Bob Hope
Jesus died for our sins. So the least we can do is give him good ones. - The Umbilical Brothers
I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, “I’d like some fries.” The girl at the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?” - Jay Leno
I constantly walk into a room and I don’t remember why. But for some reason, I think there’s going to be a clue in the fridge -Caroline Rhea
Ever noticed that anybody going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? -George Carlin
What I need is to find a woman who loves me for my money but doesn’t understand maths. - Mike Birbiglia
I think there should be more Australian culture in America’s life. Most Americans think Jacob’s Creek is where Dawson’s cousin lives. - Adam Hills
I’d be more likely to pick up the Bible if, as well as the classics, it also contained ‘The Ten Commandments of Avoiding a Full Body Search at Customs’ or ‘The Ten Commandments of the Express Lane at the Supermarket’. - Wil Anderson
3 of 5 Comments
|Harriet on 20 March 2013 ,06:59 |
no.8 I've so been there... O.o
|Adam Weddingfield on 13 January 2013 ,16:31 |
Did you purposely pick the 12 worst?
|Leonie on 15 February 2012 ,16:01 |
I am so sick of the 'poke fun at the Christians' jokes. Why not give the Buddhists, the Hindus or even the Muslims (if you're not afraid of a bit of possible trouble in the mail) a run for their money? I was under the impression that Reader's Digest was started by a Christian couple. How far down can you go?
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