How to Keep a Happy Marriage

Hiding Beneath the Surface

Can a married couple be too close for their own good? Can intimacy lead a couple to break up? New brain science shows us that it can. If couples have not mastered the changing stages of marriage, breakup is possible, and often predictable because the human brain dictates a series of natural responses during the life of a relationship. How we handle those stages can make or break a marriage.

For 20 years I have been studying how women's and men's brains affect marriage, from the first blush of romance all the way through to lifelong partnership. Understanding the behavioral differences involved can be the key to making love last a lifetime.

Stage 1: Romance

When two lovers come together, their brains begin to "fall in love." The couple's pheromones - chemical signals that work through our senses - are very high, so when they smell each other or look into each other's eyes, their separate male and female minds become like one. High levels of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, may hide irritating behaviors from each other. But "lovers' bliss" ultimately ends, and a new biological stage of the relationship begins.