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Why kindness is good for you

From the redemption of Ebenezer Scrooge to Snow White and Santa Claus, we’ve always admired those who are kind. Now we’re discovering that kindness will not only make you happier, it might just help you live longer.

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So many things that make life rough around the edges – an indiscriminate dent in your car, a door slammed in your face – are due to lack of consideration. Imagine, for a minute, a world where everyone is just a little kinder. When you’re trying to merge in traffic, someone lets you in. At the supermarket, you allow a person in a hurry to go ahead of you in the checkout queue. You get back to your car and find someone has put money in the parking meter.

A new theory called "survival of the nicest" says that because of kindness, the human race prospered as a species. Professor Sam Bowles from the Santa Fe Institute in the US analysed ancient societies and found that kindness was a key component of the survival of communities. "Groups with many ­altruists tend to survive," he says. "Altruists cooperate and contribute to the wellbeing of fellow group members."

In other words, we have an in-built capacity to help others, especially those close to us, to ensure the survival of our community.

Give and receive

Research shows kindness can also make us happier. Professor Sonja Lyubomirsky from the University of California asked participants in a study to perform random acts of kindness over ten weeks. She found happiness increased over the study period, although there was a catch: people who performed a wide variety of kind acts – holding the door open for a stranger, doing a flatmate’s dishes – reported much higher levels of happiness, even one month after the study ended, than people who performed one act of kindness repeatedly.

It makes no difference to your happiness if you help a loved one or a stranger, but it may have different results. "A small, anonymous act might make you feel like a very good person," says Professor Lyubomirsky. "But a big act of kindness towards someone you know may have social consequences: you might meet a new friend, or be generously thanked."

So paying for a stranger’s coffee may give you a temporary buzz, but helping an elderly neighbour to shop may help you forge a better relationship.

Kindness is good for you in other ways. Professor Stephen Post, author of Why Good Things Happen to Good People, has examined the evidence that being kind is good for your health. A study of 2016 church members found those who regularly helped others had better mental health and lower rates of depression. Other studies found helpful people were less likely to fall ill from chronic disease, and tended to have better immune systems. "A strong correlation exists between the wellbeing, happiness and health of people who are kind," says Post.

Kindness can help regulate emotions, which has a positive impact on our health. If our in-built "fight or flight" response becomes overactive due to stress, it affects our cardio­vascular system and weakens the body’s immunity. "It’s difficult to be angry, resentful, or fearful when one is showing unselfish love towards another person," says Post.

It can be tough

Kindness may be a virtue, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Diego Villa­veces decided to start performing random acts of kindness for strangers, inspired by someone "who had lived a very difficult life, but despite this was able to maintain his generosity towards others".

Villaveces gave out free movie vouchers, dinners and books to strangers in the street, but he got some odd reactions. "Some people act really puzzled," he says. "A lot of people are uncomfortable getting a gift from a stranger. Some people actually gave it back and said, ‘I don’t want your kindness.’ It’s something I’ve had to learn to deal with as a regular giver, and to respect that."

Villaveces, 38, who works in marketing and lives in Sydney with his wife and children, gives out a card with each random act of kindness: it asks the recipient to pass on a good deed to someone else.

"I decided I wanted to do something more for humanity," he says. "Kindness can create a significant wave of change around you."

He set up the www.pifaustralia.org website, to track the progress of the cards, but admits that so far the response has been modest. "I thought it would be easier to get people to participate, but that’s also part of the challenge, and I embrace that."

It’s also fair to say, as Villaveces has discovered, that there’s some level of cynicism towards kindness. The label "do-gooder" isn’t a compliment. We all like the idea of being kind, but at the same time, don’t nice guys ­finish always last? Acting from the goodness of your heart goes directly against the "survival of the fittest" ­theory of evolution, which says that humans are driven to compete for ­existence quite selfishly.

Back in 1968, the researchers Bibb Latane and John Darley discovered a phenomenon known as the "bystander effect": when someone needs help in a public place, they are less likely to receive help if there are more people around. Researchers believe that the effect arises because everyone takes their cue from the crowd and assumes someone else will take responsibility. In big cities, people may also feel unsafe interacting with strangers.