Life's Like That, January 2007

I came across a photo of a man and woman kissing passionately in the pouring rain, and called my husband over to ask, “How come you never kiss me like that?”

He carefully studied the sodden couple.

“Because we haven’t had that much rain.”

Serena S.

I bought a high-tech liquid-crystal sensor to test my kids’ bath temperature. The instructions told me to dip the card in the water. A green glow and the word “OK” meant the water was just right.

There was a final note: “Always check with your hand before placing child in the tub.”

Karen Johnson

A cyclist came whizzing down a steep hill to the beach and smashed into a car, as I stood there watching in horror.

I ran over to see if I could help and discovered the wild rider was a friend of mine, a lawyer.

I knew he was going to be fine when the first words out of his mouth were, “Did the driver admit he was at fault?”

Gretchen Humphrey

Be very careful of what you say to Sherry, the caretaker of our apartment building.

A notice in the lobby states: “If you see any bugs, call Sherry and ask to have your name placed on her extermination list.”

Kathy Palzer

My husband Derek stopped at our local supermarket on his way home from work and took his place in the checkout queue. Things were going well until the woman in front of him had an item that would not register on the scanner.

After calling for a price check and getting no answer, the cashier left to check the price herself. Very annoyed, the woman turned to Derek and said, “I’m the one this always happens to!”

“And I,” Derek replied, “am always the one standing behind you.”

Beverly O’Brien

Five years had passed since my last eye examination, and I could tell it was definitely time for another. My vision was getting fuzzier. The eye doctor’s receptionist gave me a pre-examination form. One entry was “Reason for visiting the doctor.”

I couldn’t resist. I wrote “Long time no see.”

Dawn Artese

The first thing I noticed about the battered ute parked at the shopping centre was the unusual-looking pooch sitting in the passenger seat wearing goggles.

The second thing was the rear bumper sticker, which read “Dog is my copilot”.

Anna Cooper

I never met a dessert I didn’t like, a weakness taking its toll not only on my waistline, but on the rest of me as well.

During my visit to a chiropractor for back pain, he did a spinal adjustment, then gave me his diagnosis: “Mr Thomson, the trouble with your back is your front.”

Robert Thomson

Our town has a main road that narrows from a dual to a single highway. I drive a taxi and there are always motorists who see it as the ultimate challenge to get in ahead of me before the lanes merge.

I had the misfortune to meet such a person at night recently. I’d allowed one car to merge in front of me, but this driver was going to cut in front too, no matter what.

When the duel started becoming dangerous, I hit my brakes and horn in unison.

The other driver saw his chance, shot forward and gave me a triumphant single-digit gesture – as he smashed into the car in front.

Mike Foster

Most of my fellow passengers were patient about the flight delay – except for one obnoxious couple. The man was shouting at the counter staff. Finally came the announcement: “We are ready to pre-board passengers needing special assistance, those with children, and those with husbands who act like children.”

Christie Lansang

Passing a pride of lions during our visit to a safari park, my brother George remarked to us, “This place looks a bit unkempt.”

“Well, George,” my husband explained, “they can’t find anyone to cut the grass.”

Jessie Munro

Life's Like That, January 2007

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