Life’s Like That, February 2007

I took what felt like an opportune moment to ask the guy I was dating if he was serious about our relationship.

Looking hurt, he said, “Do you know how special you are?” He held up his mobile phone. “I use my peak-time minutes on you.”
Amanda Pointelin

Next door to me, a young man lives above his elderly landlady.

He has his share of wild parties and she goes to bed early, but they get along very well.

I asked him how they make it work.

“I take out her rubbish every week,” he said, “and she takes out her hearing aids at night.”

Toni Jackson

A colleague returned after lunch carrying a dress from the cleaners. “Pretty,” said Jerry, one of the men in the office. “Big date tonight?”

“I picked it up for a friend,” she replied, adding, “Do you really think I could fit in a tiny thing like this?”

Jerry smiled and said, “Do you really think I’ve lived this long by answering questions like that?”

Francis Calverase

Our aged minister stood by the coffin, paying a lengthy tribute to my deceased friend.

He spoke of his long service to the community, his courage in the war, his world travels and so on.

The accolades seemed endless as a four-year-old named Andrew sat fidgeting impatiently in the second row of pews.

Finally Andrew snapped and shouted at the top of his voice, “When are you going to open the box?”
George Suttle

“Ow!” I yelled. My hand had been spiked by a piece of wood from a wicker laundry basket. “I got a splinter under my fingernail,” I called to my husband in the next room.

Ever the funny man, he yelled back, “What were you doing, scratching your head?”

Ruth Rupp

Problems with my laptop required calling the dreaded company help line. The service rep, based in another country, did not speak English very well. So I tried to explain it as simply as possible: “I can’t get the computer to work.”

“Ah, I see,” he responded. “You are unable to transport your computer to your place of employment.”

Marianne Thompson

“Going out to play with Danny,” my nine-year-old son Ken informed me. “Be back later.”

Taking advantage of the time to myself, I ran a scented bath, switched on the radio and drifted off into a daydream.

Suddenly, I heard my son call loudly from downstairs, “Where are you, Mum?”

“Relaxing in the bath,” I replied.

“Oh,” he said. “OK to use the loo?”

“Go on then,” I said with a sigh.

The bathroom door opened and in walked Danny.

He nodded to me, “All right, Mrs Hall?”, spent a penny and walked out.

Barbara Hall

I decided to grab a burger at a drive-through restaurant. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. “We’re still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker,” the assistant scolded.

I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. “I’m sorry,” she said, “we are now serving lunch.”
Kathleen Corlione

I was a percussionist when I was at music college. During one particular rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes.

“When you’re too stupid to play anything,” the professor conducting us sneered, “they give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back and call you a percussionist.”

A fellow student who was playing next to me whispered loudly, “And if you’re too stupid to hang on to both sticks, they put you in the front and call you a conductor.”
Jim Lopardo

Life’s Like That, February 2007

Sponsored Articles