I was holed up in Boring, Oregon, wondering whether I should try someplace different. So I hopped in my car and drove to Why, Arizona, to work things out. After a few days I found my answer in Whynot, Mississippi: I needed a town with some life to it. I made a beeline for Disco, Tennessee, where I danced so much, I wore out my shoes. The next day, I headed to Loafers Glory, North Carolina, for a new pair. Afterwards I looked sharp enough to take a break in Handsome Eddy, New York. Eddy wasn’t around, but I knew where to find him – in Loveladies, New Jersey, where it seemed that all the women were trying to get to Husband,Pennsylvania. It was a tough town. One gal told me my romancing needed work and sent me to Sweet Lips, Tennessee. Heartbroken, I put the car on cruise control and drove to Lonelyville, New York, for a stiff drink. I made a pit stop in The Bottle,Alabama, and finally hit rock bottom in Condemned Bar, California. Not surprisingly, I woke up the next morning in Cranky Corner,Louisiana. I knew that if I continued like this, I’d be headed straight to… Hell, Michigan. Pulling myself together, I grabbed breakfast inOatmeal, Texas, lunch in Sandwich, Massachusetts, and dessert in Pie Town, New Mexico. I should’ve stopped eating after Greasy,Oklahoma, because I was feeling sick by the time I left Lick Skillet, Tennessee. In Brilliant, Ohio, it finally dawned on me – I had to cease my wandering ways. I parked in Do Stop, Kentucky, took out the map, and chose my new home. I didn’t need Wealthy, Texas, or Fame, West Virginia. I found everything I needed in Happyland, Oklahoma.
Unusually named places abound in the USA. Writer Andy Simmons takes a trip through some of the most bizarre.
By Andy Simmons
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