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Corny Jokes

Stick with it, Gramps

None of my grandsons share my corny sense of humour. When the family is eating lasagne, I say, “Lean over your plate, boys. You’ll get less-on-ya.” I say to the ten-year-old, “Don’t yell through... read more


Security check

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I... read more


The Great Tweet-off: Dad’s edition

Relationships with fathers could fill a thousand psychiatrist handbooks. It also gives Twitter jokesters a chance to vent freely:
I got all my looks from my father. Mostly just the look of... read more


The Great Tweet-off: Parenting Edition

Kids and family are rich veins of humour for comedians on Twitter – both those who have them, and those who fear the very idea. See who you think is funnier:

New Parent Idea: 1. Take... read more


Name-calling

A husband who has six children begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. But after a few years, she’s grown tired of it. “Mother... read more


For the dads

Here are our Top Five 180, 181 that are so awful you have to love them…

1. How do you know when you’re going to drown in milk? When it’s past your eyes.

2. Struggling for... read more


Juicy Jokes

My fruit and vegetable business has unfortunately gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies.


Time lord, MD

The worst thing about being a doctor for the World Health Organisation is people get annoyed when they find out you don’t have a Tardis.


On parenthood

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.


Spanner in the works

I wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.


Hero to zero

“Do you want to hear a good Batman impression?” asked my friend Dave.

“Go on then,” I replied.

“NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” he screamed.

“That’s Superman,” I said.... read more


Nailed it

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting.


Fleeced

I stayed in a hotel where the towels were so thick, I could hardly close my suitcase.


The ayes have it

After a check-up, a doctor asked his patient, “Is there anything else you’d like to discuss?”

“Well,” said the patient, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”

“That’s... read more


Noise cancelling joke

Frustrated by noisy neighbours one evening, my teenage son suggested my husband go round and tell them one of his 181.

"But Dad's jokes aren't funny," I reminded him.

"... read more


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