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Dumb & Funny Jokes

Great outdoors

What are the wildest things national park guides contend with? Questions from tourists, like these:

– Would the lightning be faster if it didn’t zigzag?

– How much does... read more


Poles apart

I phoned a local restaurant to ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That depends on which direction you’re coming from.”


Lack of foresight

My husband was a tour guide for a 16th-century castle just near Leuchars airfield in Fife, Scotland. One day, while speaking to a group of American tourists, a jet plane flew overhead. The noise... read more


Quarter master

I ordered a foot-long roll from a sandwich bar in town for myself and my friends. There were four of us, so we decided one long roll would be cheaper than buying four individual ones.

... read more


Cross wires

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted... read more


Fell at the first hurdle

My real name is Wilton, but everyone at the plastics factory calls me “Dub”. And that’s where the confusion began. A woman from the front office came by with a form to fill out, but when she asked... read more


Licenced to kill

My sister didn’t do as well on her driver’s-ed test as she’d hoped. It might have had something to do with how she completed this sentence: “When the _______ is dead, the car won’t start.”
... read more


AWOL

While on manoeuvres in the desert, our convoy got lost – forcing our lieutenant to radio for help.

“Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you?” the base operator asked... read more


Life’s mysteries

Questions on Yahoo that will destroy your faith in humanity:

– “Can I safely look at a picture of the sun?”

– “How can I be sure I’m the real mum of my kid?”
... read more


Fossil fool

Overheard in a museum’s dinosaur exhibit recently: a confused woman complaining to her friend, “How could they possibly know the names of all those dinosaurs if they died 75 million years ago? And... read more


For the dads

Here are our Top Five 180, 181 that are so awful you have to love them…

1. How do you know when you’re going to drown in milk? When it’s past your eyes.

2. Struggling for... read more


Juicy Jokes

My fruit and vegetable business has unfortunately gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies.


Time lord, MD

The worst thing about being a doctor for the World Health Organisation is people get annoyed when they find out you don’t have a Tardis.


Spanner in the works

I wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.


Laughter is contagious

What’s the oddest thing about belonging to a support group for hypochondriacs? Every member calls in sick, but they all show up for the meeting.


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