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Magazine

Kids' Jokes

Conicidence

A little boy in my infant class came into school and told me he could spell his mum’s name.

“M-U-M,” he said proudly. Before I could congratulate him, another little boy said... read more


Daily grind

I recently asked a friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?”

“Yes, he wants to be a rubbish collector,” my friend said.

“That’s an unusual... read more


Curse correction

After stepping out for a few minutes from the Grade 1 classroom where I teach, I returned to a chorus of children tattling: “Brendan said the B-word! Brendan said the B-word!”

... read more


Stick-to-it-iveness

I am the principal of an elementary school. One day a bigger boy was brought into my office for discipline. He had hit two kindergarten classmates on the playground and knocked them down.
... read more


Misfit

A teenager came into the clothing store where I work and browsed for over an hour before choosing the perfect dress for a party. But the next day she was back with the outfit.

“Can I... read more


Typecast

When a teacher asked my six-year-old nephew why his handwriting wasn’t as neat as usual, he responded, “I’m trying a new font.”


After dinner drinks

We recently ate a restaurant and as we paid our bill the waitress asked our small son what we were going to do next. Excitedly, Jamie said, “We have whisky in the car, you know.”

The... read more


The Great Tweet-off: Kids’ Edition

A source of surprise, pain, comedy, wisdom and everything in between, this month we celebrate the joy (mostly) of children.

Sometimes, at night, after my son has gone to bed, I go... read more


Spitting image

I was showing off my drawing skills to my four-year-old one day. I would sketch different things and then ask him to recognise them. My boy was doing really well until I drew an angry face and he... read more


Too little too late

This classified ad speaks volumes: “Wanted to buy: playpen, cradle, high chair; also two single beds.”


Make me an offer

After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids, I’d had enough. “I think I’m going to sell them,” I hissed to my sister.

“You’re crazy,” she said.

“For thinking of... read more


Cold comfort

The air-conditioning in my high school civics class was less than ideal. Everyone who sat in the back would freeze, while everyone in the front would roast.

One day, somebody in the... read more


First class retort

Overheard on an airplane, a mother to a disgruntled teen:

“Well, honey, maybe you can talk to the airline and they can upgrade you to a better family.”


All in the delivery

My daughter said something to me that I didn’t think was very polite. I told her she needed to say it again in a nicer way – so she repeated it with a British accent.


Signs of ageing

I was showing my kids an old rotary phone when my nine-year-old asked, “How did you text on it?”

My 15-year-old daughter roared with laughter, until a thought occurred to her: “Wait,... read more


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