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Magazine

Marriage Jokes

Hardly working

My newly retired husband was watching as I went about my daily routine. I vacuumed, cleaned, ironed and sorted the laundry, and after making us both a cup of coffee, I sat down. Hubby looked at me... read more


From the horse's mouth

After leaving my job, I was amazed to hear that one of my old colleagues, Alan, had been spotted with a new girlfriend. Alan had never shown any interest in romance, so this was big news. A mutual... read more


A little on the nose

I work at a garden centre and was tickled to overhear one customer saying to another: “I never knew what compost was until I met husband.”


Deadly diet

At a conference I attended recently, a doctor was addressing a large audience. “The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here years ago,” he said. “Red meat is... read more


Gun salesman

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.

“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get... read more


Garden variety apology

“That’s a nice plant,” said a woman at the florist’s shop, pointing to the flower I was buying.

“Yeah, my wife and I had an argument,” I admitted. “I was going to buy her a dozen... read more


Sweet nothings

As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception, my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand, leaned in and said, “You’re better looking than half the women here.”


Emergenc-ish

Heavy snow had buried my van in our driveway. My husband dug around the wheels, rocked the van back and forth, and finally pushed me free.

I was on the road when I heard an odd noise.... read more


Name-calling

A husband who has six children begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. But after a few years, she’s grown tired of it. “Mother... read more


There's always a catch

A woman returning from a fishing trip with her husband told her troubles to a neighbour. “I did EVERYTHING wrong again,” she said. “I talked too loudly, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in to soon... read more


Smart shopper

A man approaches a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and says, “I’ve lost my wife in the aisles. Would you mind talking to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?” the woman... read more


Family reunion

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is... read more


Sweet Dreams

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he replied.... read more


Take two naps and see me in the morning

A man tells his doctor he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is over, he says, “OK, Doc. In plain English – what’s wrong with me?”
... read more


The friendly skies

An airline introduced a half-price fare for women accompanying their husbands on business trips. Expecting valuable testimonials, the airline wrote to all of the wives who’d used the special rate... read more


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