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Magazine

Puns

The Great Tweet-off: Wisdom edition

Time to check in with teenage wunder-tweeter @SixthFormPoet. His musing have been enjoyed by millions since he joined Twitter in February 2011, and he now has a book, The Sixth Form Poet: Deep... read more


A riot of readers

A pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, a parliament of owls – we asked RD readers to come up with a few collective nouns of their own. These were a crush of our favourites:

– A brace of... read more


Class warfare

How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.


Air line

At the airport, just as my flight was called, I noticed the guy next to me knew exactly what he was doing. He had his documents ready, he joined the queue with perfect timing and sauntered through... read more


For the dads

Here are our Top Five 180, 181 that are so awful you have to love them…

1. How do you know when you’re going to drown in milk? When it’s past your eyes.

2. Struggling for... read more


Crawly Crime

A turtle was walking down a dark alley when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at... read more


Slipping quietly away

About a month before he died, my grandmother covered my grandfather’s back with lard. After that he went downhill very quickly.


Juicy Jokes

My fruit and vegetable business has unfortunately gone into liquidation. We now sell smoothies.


Time lord, MD

The worst thing about being a doctor for the World Health Organisation is people get annoyed when they find out you don’t have a Tardis.


Spanner in the works

I wish I knew who kicked the jack out from under the car I was working on. The suspension is killing me.


Hero to zero

“Do you want to hear a good Batman impression?” asked my friend Dave.

“Go on then,” I replied.

“NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” he screamed.

“That’s Superman,” I said.... read more


Nailed it

I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting.


Rise and Shine

This morning, the strangest thing happened. I got out of bed and started walking around the flat making small talk with various pieces of furniture.

Turns out I’d pressed the schmooze... read more


Punished

Tom’s wife was delighted when he told her he’d finally secured a job in the local bowling alley.

“Ten pin?” she asked.

“No,” replied Tom. “I think it’s permanent.”


High comedy

I quit my job at the helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.


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