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Travel Jokes

Great outdoors

What are the wildest things national park guides contend with? Questions from tourists, like these:

– Would the lightning be faster if it didn’t zigzag?

– How much does... read more


Poles apart

I phoned a local restaurant to ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That depends on which direction you’re coming from.”


Lack of foresight

My husband was a tour guide for a 16th-century castle just near Leuchars airfield in Fife, Scotland. One day, while speaking to a group of American tourists, a jet plane flew overhead. The noise... read more


Poor reception

I recently took my wife on holidays to the north of England, and since our son was to join us for a few days, I texted him to bring fuel for the fire as it had turned decidedly chilly.
... read more


The Great Tweet-off: Airport edition

Sure, airplane travel is one of comedy’s most well worn topics. But today’s twitter jokesters still manage to put their own spin on it:

Just went through the insecurity line at the... read more


First class retort

Overheard on an airplane, a mother to a disgruntled teen:

“Well, honey, maybe you can talk to the airline and they can upgrade you to a better family.”


There's always a catch

A woman returning from a fishing trip with her husband told her troubles to a neighbour. “I did EVERYTHING wrong again,” she said. “I talked too loudly, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in to soon... read more


Air line

At the airport, just as my flight was called, I noticed the guy next to me knew exactly what he was doing. He had his documents ready, he joined the queue with perfect timing and sauntered through... read more


Tall tale

While at a convention, Bill, Jim and Scott shared a hotel suite on the 75th floor. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to find that the hotel elevators were broken and that they’d have... read more


Make leisure a pleasure

At the start of my holiday I make list of odd jobs to be done around the house. At the end of the holiday I make a similar list. If both lists match, I have had a good holiday.


High-jinx

I got sacked today for downloading games onto my work computer and causing everything to crash,” I told my friend.

“That’s a bit harsh,” he replied.

“They don’t mess about... read more


Had to be there

I often wonder about people who live in tropical destinations. What do their screen savers look like?


Family reunion

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is... read more


Road rage

A guy in a van pulls up next to a Rolls-Royce at a red light and asks, “Hey, is your car Bluetooth enabled?” The Rolls owner nods.

“So is mine. Got Wi-Fi?” The Rolls owner nods again... read more


Wishin' impossible

A man was cruising on his motorbike up the California coast when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways... read more


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