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Weight Loss Jokes

Polite pilates

During a Pilates class, our thin instructor apologised to one of her larger students for blocking her view of the mirror
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“Don’t worry,” the woman said to the teacher, “I can see... read more


Synogyms

My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question “To what do you attribute your fitness issues?” the woman had answered, “Horrendous eating habits.”... read more


No harm done

When I needed my university exam certificates for a job interview, my brother volunteered to go up to the attic to find them and put them in a folder for me.

The next week, I nervously... read more


The Great Tweet-off: Fitness edition

What better place to look for exercise-avoidance wisecracks than the ultimate couch potato forum, Twitter? Have at it, lazyboneses:

My favourite exercise is a combination of lunge and... read more


Drinking problem

My mother joined a Weight Watchers group. At the first session, the group leader explained the healthy-eating plans everyone should follow, including drinking at least six to eight glasses of... read more


Nice backhand

Today I ran into an old friend who I hadn’t seen in years. She raved about how I hadn’t aged a bit, and I was all set to thank her when she said, “But, you know, chubby people age better.”


Food for thought

If a caveman from the Paleolithic era saw you turn down a cupcake because you’re on the “Paleo Diet”, he'd kill you with a sharpened seashell.


Weight for it

If you are always straightening things, you have OCD. If you are always eating things, you have OBCD.


Dial-a-diet

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you’d like to lose half a kilo right now, press “one” 18,000 times.


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