Johnny to his teacher: “Miss, I don’t mean to frighten you, but Dad said that if I don’t get a good report card this year, somebody will be in big trouble.”

N Damcevska, North Parramatta, NSW

In a fit of rage, a golfer threw his buggy and clubs into a pond and stormed off. Minutes later, he returned and waded into the water.
“Thought better of it?” a fellow golfer asked.
“No,” snarled the frustrated player. “I left my car keys in the buggy.”

J Nicholson, Wallaroo, SA

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

A Honeybun, Yokine, WA

A girl was taken aback when a young man at a party proposed marriage. “We met only an hour ago,” she said. “We know nothing about each other.”
“You’re wrong,” he replied. “I work at the bank where your father has his account.”

M Hempfing, Sippy Downs, Qld

Don’t think of it as hot flushes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

B Scott, Erskine, WA