Reader's Digest Australia Dec/Jan 2025

own. But what the group really rep- resents, Skora says, is a refuge for the estranged. “I realized it was a growing problem, not only in the United States but worldwide.” Scrolling through the messages only confirms this: Many of the posters report being the victims—or initiators—of estrangement. Today, around 27% of American adults have cut off contact with a family member—one of the highest estrange- ment rates in the world. And it seems to be on the rise, according to Joshua Coleman, PhD, author of the book Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict . “Online support groups, Instagram influencers, TikTok influencers,” Cole- man says, “all are huge contributors to this phenomenon.” While estrange- ment has always existed—abuse and divorce are common causes, as are dis- agreements over money, religion, sex- ual orientation and politics—“never before was it characterized as a path- way to personal growth and identity the way it is today,” he says. Surrogate Grandparents USA attracted a mere 30 members in its first six months. The group was only as use- ful as its size—the more members, the easier it’d be to find matches. So Skora posted dozens of free ads and con- tacted local TV stations. By 2019, the group had 3,700 members. Today, it has more than 13,000. Karen has two biological daughters. When she divorced their dad in 2019, the eldest, then a college student, cut Karen out of her life. The dad had autism and a brain injury, and the older daughter felt Karen had an obligation to him. Karen, meanwhile, felt emo- tionally abused in the relationship. “She sided with him,” Karen says. Four years later, in 2023, Karen’s younger daughter, with her older sister’s help, left too. The split was a heartbreaking final dissolution, leaving Karen’s family whittled down to two: Karen and Dave, who is her second husband. “I stopped sleeping for a month,” Karen says. “It was devastating.” That’s when she found Surrogate Grandparents USA. Karen lurked in the group for six months before deciding to post a mes- sage. “I’d love a mother/daughter rela- tionship, and we are hoping for grand- kids,” she wrote. “We have a goat farm … so lots of fun for kids.” She added a selfie to her Facebook post, along with a photo of her and the goats. Ten women responded. One was Michelle. Her sisters had recommended the group. Their mother had died six years earlier, and Michelle didn’t have family nearby. Connecting was, Karen says, “almost like online dating.”They messaged first, before progressing to texting, calling and finally arranging to meet up. The group’s moderators encourage people to vet prospective surrogates. Michelle didn’t do that, though she did browse Karen’s social media. It was, needless to say, goat-heavy. 130   December 2025/January 2026 reader ’ s digest National Interest They met for lunch. Michelle was eager for Karen to like her—the stakes felt high. With the holidays on the hori- zon, they felt the absence of their loved ones. “We both cried at some point,” Michelle says. Karen andMichelle bonded over their loss and their shared faith as Christians, but they didn’t involve the boys until they were mutually serious about pursuing the connection. It, indeed, became serious. Karen’s pink coffee mug? AMother’s Day gift fromMichelle. After introductions, Karen, Michelle and I suggest moving outside. Michelle says she and Dave have connected over their love of the TV show Naked and Afraid , and Karen and Dave watch the boys’ soccer games. They all celebrated one of the boys’ birthdays recently with a trip to a malt shop, where they split two family-size portions of fries. I can tell there’s a real relationship develop- ing between Karen and this family. When we go back inside, Karen hands the brothers a basket of soap samples. “There’s watermelon this time,” she says, and the 7-year-old squeals. That’s the parting ritual, it seems. Michelle and her family say their good- byes and head out. Next up: a visit to a woman named MeLea and her three sons. Three of Karen’s surrogate daughters have M names: Michelle, MeLea and Meghan. It’s become a bit of a joke between Karen and Dave: “You know, it really makes me angry that you THEY MESSAGED F IRST, PROGRESSING TO TEXTING, CALL ING AND F INALLY MEETING UP. Karen calls her family’s complicated history their “soap opera.” readersdigest.com.au     131