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Life’s Like That Slip Of The Tongue My front doorbell rang late one night. This made me a bit nervous, so I texted my neighbour to see if someone had also knocked on their door. It was only later that I realised a mistake in my text: I’d also told my neighbour I was ‘licking’ my back patio door. I have since reiterated that I don’t do that. They were relieved. AUDREY BEATTY Stop And Go My husband and I were a few hours into a road trip when I asked him to pull over so I could use a restroom. He nodded and drove on, passing potential pit stops at petrol stations and fast-food places. After half an hour, I said with urgency, “I really have to go!” Looking puzzled, he asked, “Still?” LINDA FINK Falling Short Of The Goal My football crazy brother came to visit me with his three-year-old son. After watching a match on the TV, my nephew confessed, much to the delight of my brother, that he would like to be a football player when he grows up, after all. On the way to my house, my brother had told him to, “Tell Aunty Denise what you would like to be when you grow up.” My nephew had replied, “A pink cat.” DENISE BURGESS I once wore a silver jacket to college and turned up late for class. I apologised and the lecturer said it was OK, then waited until I was halfway across the class before saying: “Trouble with the spaceship again, was it?” @MRWEIR I wore an orange rain poncho to an outdoor show during a storm. A girl who was on the phone trying to find her friends said: “I’m standing next to someone who looks like a traffic cone.” @BILLYANANIA During my goth days and dressed all in black, I overhead an elderly lady in a village shop say, “Bless, she must have lost someone dear to be in constant mourning like that.” @EILEENLEFT5 Going on a date and dressed in a nice pair of jeans and smart jumper, I had an Uber driver tell me I looked like an undercover policeman. @COMEDYSAVAGE I wore a camouflage T-shirt once. The response in the pub was “Oooooh, it’s a floating head.” @DAMIENSREENAN THE GREAT TWEET-OFF: FASHION-FAILS EDITION Our tweeters recommend checking themirror before leaving home. readersdigest.com.au 9