34 things your airline pilot won’t tell you

Most of the time, how you land is a good indicator of a pilot’s skill. So if you want to say something nice to a pilot as you’re getting off the plane, say “Nice landing.” We do appreciate that. – Joe D’Eon, pilot at a major US airline who produces a podcast at flywithjoe.com. Here’s how to tell if someone is actually insulting you, even if it sounds like a compliment.

No. It’s extremely dangerous. If there’s any impact or deceleration, there’s a good chance you’re going to lose hold of your kid, and he becomes a projectile. But the government’s logic is that if we made you buy an expensive seat for your baby, you’d just drive, and you’re more likely to be injured driving than flying. – Patrick Smith. Here are 7 more incredibly dangerous parenting moves even careful parents make by mistake.

Most of you wouldn’t consider going down the highway at 60 miles an hour without your seatbelt fastened. But when we’re hurtling through the air at 500 miles an hour and we turn off the seatbelt sign, half of you take your seatbelts off. But if we hit a little air pocket, your head will be on the ceiling. – Captain at a major US airline.

If you’re going to recline your seat, please check behind you first. You have no idea how many laptops are broken every year by boorish passengers who slam their seat back with total disregard to what’s going on behind them. – John Nance.

On TV and in the comics, you always see these pilots with their hats on, and they have their headsets on over the hat, and that always makes us laugh. – Joe D’Eon

We ask you to put up the window shade so the flight attendants can see outside in an emergency, to assess if one side is better for an evacuation. It also lets light into the cabin if it goes dark and helps passengers get oriented if the plane flips or rolls over. – Patrick Smith

I am so tired of hearing “Oh my God, you’re a girl pilot.” When you see a black pilot, do you say “Oh my God, you’re a black pilot”? –Pilot for a US regional carrier.

I always tell my kids to travel in sturdy shoes. If you have to evacuate and your flip-flops fall off, there you are standing on the hot tarmac or in the weeds in your bare feet. – Joe D’Eon

Cold on the airplane? Tell your flight attendant. We’re in a constant battle with them over the temperature. They’re moving all the time, up and down the aisles, so they are always calling and saying, “Turn up the air.” But most passengers I know are freezing. – Captain at a major US carrier.

You don’t have as much time off as your neighbours think you have, you don’t make as much money as your relatives think you make, and you don’t have as many girlfriends as your wife thinks you have. Still, I can’t believe they pay me to do this. – Commercial US pilot