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Erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction
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It’s not talked about much, but it’s more common than you may think, according to experts. The condition affects approximately 10 per cent of men per decade of life (ie, 40 per cent of men in their 40s, 50 per cent of men in their 50s, 60 per cent of men in their 60s). “Men would rather avoid a sexual encounter because of what they see as their ‘non-working penis,’ than be embarrassed with a woman – even a significant other,” Dumbroff explains. “It may just be performance anxiety because of the one time they were unable to get or keep an erection.” For issues such as this, she recommends men first be checked by a doctor, especially if they’re suddenly unable to get an erection, as it may be the result of a genitourinary issue or a cardiovascular problem. Sex therapy can also help couples expand their definition of sex past the act of penetration, she adds. After addressing underlying issues, medication can work well for erectile dysfunction.

And here are more tips and tricks that will boost your mojo and improve your sex life.

The sex is not to their liking

The sex is not to their liking
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“Sometimes people realise that they may not be turned on by ‘vanilla sex,’ but rather that they are in fact kinky in their sexual preferences,” explains Dumbroff. This, she explains, can present problems if their partner is not interested. “If the kinky person needs to have that in their life and can’t meet their needs with porn alone, a discussion about the possibility of finding it outside the primary relationship may be necessary,” she adds. Have an open conversation about each others’ likes and dislikes.

Sex addiction

Sex addiction
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If your partner is engaging in secret sexual behaviour or has betrayed the relationship multiple times, Dr Hollenbeck warns that this could be an indication of sex addiction, which is an intimacy disorder that must be treated by a certified sex addiction therapist. “The person struggling with sex addiction may be engaging in sex with other people, obsessed with pornography, masturbating too often or avoiding sex with their partner due to shame and guilt related to the out-of-control sexual behaviours,” she says. “The partner of a sex addict is often traumatised by the discovery of their partner’s secret life and the broken trust and sexual betrayal can be the cause of their loss of desire for sex.” Successful treatment for both the addict and the partner is available and the couple can have sobriety and a healthy sex life together through therapy.

Pain

Pain
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Sexual pain often prevents a spouse, especially a woman, from wanting to engage in sex, according to Dumbroff. There are several reasons why this very real pain strikes during intercourse, which is why she recommends both women and men seek medical treatment if they’re experiencing discomfort. “Some are definitely physical in their origin – an example is post-menopausal women suffering from dryness or women who have undergone chemotherapy, which can also create dryness and changes in the vaginal mucosa,” she says. “Lubricants and certain medical treatments can help with dryness as well as pelvic-floor exercises.”

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Past sexual abuse

Past sexual abuse
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People with histories of sexual abuse – men and women alike – may avoid sex, explains Dumbroff. “Many times, individuals have never even connected their personal history of abuse with their issues around their desire for sex, but the impact can be very powerful,” she says. “This most definitely requires couple and sex therapy, and the partner with the history of abuse needs to have control over the pace of what happens.”

Lack of hygiene and etiquette

Lack of hygiene and etiquette
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Whether you’ve been with your partner for just a few months or decades, self-care is an essential piece of the sexual desire puzzle. “Practising good dental and bodily hygiene and keeping your hair groomed (including beards and moustaches, underarms, legs and the vaginal area, and giving attention to your hair style and general maintenance) are areas couples must give attention to throughout the entire duration of the relationship and not only when you are dating or have special occasions to attend,” says Dr Hollenbeck. “Common complaints in this area are partners being turned off by farting, burping, seeing their partner dress up for work but not when they are spending time together, and lack of bathroom privacy.” Communication is paramount when it comes to resolving these issues, as it’s impossible for your partner to know something is bothering you if you don’t tell him or her.

Medically reviewed by Dr Tia Jackson-Bey, on September 25, 2019

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Source: RD.com

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