It’s not talked about much, but it’s more common than you may think, according to experts. The condition affects approximately 10 per cent of men per decade of life (ie, 40 per cent of men in their 40s, 50 per cent of men in their 50s, 60 per cent of men in their 60s). “Men would rather avoid a sexual encounter because of what they see as their ‘non-working penis,’ than be embarrassed with a woman – even a significant other,” Dumbroff explains. “It may just be performance anxiety because of the one time they were unable to get or keep an erection.” For issues such as this, she recommends men first be checked by a doctor, especially if they’re suddenly unable to get an erection, as it may be the result of a genitourinary issue or a cardiovascular problem. Sex therapy can also help couples expand their definition of sex past the act of penetration, she adds. After addressing underlying issues, medication can work well for erectile dysfunction.
And here are more tips and tricks that will boost your mojo and improve your sex life.
The sex is not to their liking
“Sometimes people realise that they may not be turned on by ‘vanilla sex,’ but rather that they are in fact kinky in their sexual preferences,” explains Dumbroff. This, she explains, can present problems if their partner is not interested. “If the kinky person needs to have that in their life and can’t meet their needs with porn alone, a discussion about the possibility of finding it outside the primary relationship may be necessary,” she adds. Have an open conversation about each others’ likes and dislikes.
If your partner is engaging in secret sexual behaviour or has betrayed the relationship multiple times, Dr Hollenbeck warns that this could be an indication of sex addiction, which is an intimacy disorder that must be treated by a certified sex addiction therapist. “The person struggling with sex addiction may be engaging in sex with other people, obsessed with pornography, masturbating too often or avoiding sex with their partner due to shame and guilt related to the out-of-control sexual behaviours,” she says. “The partner of a sex addict is often traumatised by the discovery of their partner’s secret life and the broken trust and sexual betrayal can be the cause of their loss of desire for sex.” Successful treatment for both the addict and the partner is available and the couple can have sobriety and a healthy sex life together through therapy.