You’re wishy-washy

You’re wishy-washy
Shutterstock

Nothing irks people more than someone who is indecisive. Your rewarding relationship gets snatched away the instant you start going hot and cold on your loved one. “People don’t like breakups,” says Dr Leder-Elder. “They don’t like being alone. We want social connections.” This way of thinking turns into signs of a toxic relationship when you end up stringing someone along when you’re not ready for a relationship but still want companionship. Make sure you’re honest with your partner in the beginning about your uncertainties in regards to your wants and needs from the relationship. That way they’ll know what they’re getting themselves into.

Advertisement

Your friends and family cause problems

Your friends and family cause problems
Shutterstock

Believe it or not, your intimate social network may be ruining your relationship and it could lead to it becoming a toxic one. “If you have a lot of people in your head saying, ‘They’re not right for you. You could do better,’ it could turn you against the relationship because you can’t deal with the constant strife with the people that you care about,” says Dr Leder-Elder. In an attempt to resolve this tension, try organising a get-together to allow your lover and your loved ones to get acquainted. If all else fails, you may have to resort to an ultimatum: your family or your partner. But Dr Leder-Elder says that can be a tough decision and is only best to debate in long-term relationships you’re 100 percent sure about, in case you choose love over blood.

Learn the 26 things your mother-in-law is secretly thinking about you. 

You avoid conflict like the plague

You avoid conflict like the plague
Shutterstock

Life is full of ups and downs, as are relationships, so you need to face the fact that not everything is always rainbows and butterflies. “People think they’re doing a good thing [by avoiding conflict] but they’re actually making themselves appear quite dangerous,” says Dr Tatkin. “It makes your partner nuts because they can’t engage unless it’s positive.” The trick to stopping signs of a toxic relationship is to put your own discomforts aside for your partner and communicate your unease toward the situation, while still showing that you’re there for support and a listening ear.

You never take responsibility for your actions

You never take responsibility for your actions
Shutterstock

If you blame everyone else for your wrongdoings, it may boost your ego but only creates signs of a toxic relationship. “We defend ourselves from pain,” says Dr Tatkin. “If your partner complains about you, it might make you feel bad and make you believe your partner wants to attack with an ulterior motive.” The blame game may be your crutch to help you deflect uncomfortable feelings, but no one is going to stick around for that. Owning up to your mistakes are one of the many ways you can help your relationship go the distance.

You show no emotions

You show no emotions
Shutterstock

Even if it’s not your intent, remaining stone-faced or unresponsive toward your loved one can make them doubt your true feelings and lead to a toxic relationship. “People who don’t respond or under-respond are toxic to their partners,” says Dr Tatkin. “It puts your partner in a tremendous state of insecurity because they’re going to interpret it as threat, even if you’re not intending to be threatening.” Be an active listener by making sounds and facial expressions in response to what your partner is saying to let them know what you’re thinking. This way they’re not left to draw their own conclusions (which may be all wrong) in their heads. If you want to become a better listener, check out these tips.

You humiliate your partner

You humiliate your partner
Getty Images

Many people may be blind to their hurtful criticism. They may shame someone for their looks, sex drive, or career without batting an eye. If several people have called you a bully, you may want to listen and fix it before you lose them. “You have to put yourself in the other person’s position and realise how would you feel if you were shamed,” says Sussman. “Come up with a list of strategies in how you can tell someone you have a problem with them in a loving way.”

You don’t have your partner’s back

You don’t have your partner’s back
Shutterstock

As a couple, your goal is to protect each other. But every time you allow a family member or friend to slander your partner for no reason, you’re compromising that safety net and fostering signs of a toxic relationship. No one is going to date you if you never stick up for them. “The purpose of a relationship is fundamentally grounded in safety and security: not love, not attraction, not romance,” says Dr Tatkin. “If you’re not providing that need to ensure each other’s sense of safety and security, it defies the whole psychobiological purpose of being with another person.” Stop being a pushover and start standing up for yourself and others.

Your partner is always the last to know everything

Your partner is always the last to know everything
Getty Images

Every relationship in your life is part of a hierarchy. Your significant other should be at the top or close to the top of that pyramid, which means they should be the first person you confide in. This is a sign of a healthy relationship. If not, that kind of behaviour can be interpreted by your partner as betrayal and signs of a toxic relationship. “You shouldn’t have to spend resources trying to figure out what to tell your partner and what not to tell your partner,” says Dr Tatkin. “You want to be yourself and feel free to speak.”

Sign up here to get Reader’s Digest’s favourite stories straight to your inbox!

Source: RD.com

Never miss a deal again - sign up now!

Connect with us: