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Idealising your partner

Idealising your partner
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“In the beginning, many new couples view their partners through rose-coloured glasses. Though a few extra compliments and some over-idealising are normal, placing your partner on a pedestal can be emotionally dangerous. As soon as your partner falls into becoming an ordinary ‘human’ (flaws and all), you will set yourself up for great disappointment. Also, a partner who is over-idealised may come to expect it and be disappointed – and even angry – if you don’t maintain the facade.” – Elaine Zukerman, author of relationship self-help books, certified life coach and psychology professor.

Sharing everything about your relationship on social media

Sharing everything about your relationship on social media
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“Your relationship is part of your personal life, so it should be staying personal and private to you. If you share every moment of your relationship on your Facebook or Instagram page, you are leaving nothing sacred between the two of you. Think about stepping it back a bit if this is one of your habits.” – Samantha Daniels, owner of the matchmaking service, Samantha’s Table, former divorce attorney, and founder of The Dating Lounge.

Playing games

Playing games
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“Some couples play mild psychological games of being ‘unavailable’ and ‘hard-to-get’ in the beginning to instil intrigue and higher desirability. Though this may work in the short term, once the relationship is more established it can be dangerous to the future of the relationship. Learn to improve your confidence and communication by setting bottom line boundaries.” – Zukerman.

Never fighting

Never fighting
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“Avoiding conflict leads to bitterness and resentment in the long-term. This leads to significant problems in the relationship because we cannot fix a problem we don’t know exists. Bringing up issues also demonstrates trust in our partner and the relationship. Avoiding an argument may be well-intended, but it is rarely beneficial. On the other hand, relational research suggests that assertiveness is a powerful predictor of relationship satisfaction and effective problem-solving.” – Jim Seibold, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

Here are 13 normal fights even happy couples have. 

Telling your partner a lie to spare their feelings

Telling your partner a lie to spare their feelings
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“In a long-term relationship, there will be moments where circumstances can be misconstrued and emotions conflict with logic. In order to move past doubt, each partner has to have a well-established, longstanding history of trustworthiness. Every time you choose to tell a lie instead of hurting your partner in the moment, you leave yourself vulnerable to being seen as a liar. No lie is worth jeopardising your mate’s sense of trust in you.” – Alison Cohen, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist.

These are the 10 most common things men lie about. 

Being jealous

Being jealous
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“Jealousy has been romanticised in our culture. It’s common to believe the other person must really love you to care so much about who you talk with. Instead, jealousy shows a lack of trust and respect. It’s about domination and control.” – Cynthia D’Amour, MBA, love strategist.

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Getting “comfortable”

Getting “comfortable”
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“When you start living your life on repeat (waking up, getting the kids off to school, going to work, returning home, eating dinner, watching TV, going to bed…), days turn into months, months turn into years. You can start to feel stuck in your life and wonder why. When a couple clings to the safety of routine they stop growing. Couples who have goals and revisit these goals with plans on how to achieve them inspire one another and bond over these desires.” – Lisa Concepcion, Relationship Expert and Founder of LoveQuest Coaching.

Here are 14 things you should never say to your spouse. 

Giving make-up gifts

Giving make-up gifts
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“Maybe you get some expensive jewellery or a new car as an apology after fighting. Is this a generous person or someone who is trying to prove to you the abusive behaviours that happened during the fighting didn’t really happen? After all, they must love you a ton to give you such a generous gift! Beware of expensive distractions.” – D’Amour.

Sharing every irritant

Sharing every irritant
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“Sharing every little thing that bothers you [even in an effort to be a frank communicator] creates a negative tone to the relationship, which makes positive growth difficult. My rule of thumb: if you won’t remember what it was when you wake up tomorrow morning, it probably wasn’t worth mentioning.” – Mark E. Sharp, PhD and psychologist at the Aiki Relationship Institute.

Here are 7 tips for arguing with someone who is always right. 

Taking great lengths to “keep you safe”

Taking great lengths to “keep you safe”
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“Your friends find it charming that your significant other always picks you up whenever they can – or expects you to call right away if you are going to be a few minutes late. Is it love? Maybe not. When someone treats another like a child and keeps them on a very short leash, it’s a potential form of abuse.” – D’Amour.

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