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Always cheering your partner up

Always cheering your partner up
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“Life has ups and downs, and unpleasant emotions are part of that. When someone always tries to cheer their partner up (often because they can’t tolerate seeing them in pain), they often end up sending the message that their partner’s emotional reactions are invalid, which is a real connection killer. They should instead learn how to communicate support in such situations.” – Dr. Sharp.

Saying that you can’t live without them

Saying that you can’t live without them
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“You are so completely smitten and ga-ga over them that you want to spend every waking minute together. It’s dangerous because it puts way too much pressure on the partner to be their partner’s perfect person, but it also shows a severe flaw in the obsessive partner. You see, if I cannot function without my husband, then I have not learned to be self-sufficient and must rely on another to bring me happiness. That is simply not possible or healthy.” – Stacey Greene, author of Stronger Than Broken. On the other side of things, here are the signs your partner sees you as just a fling.

Taking on the other’s happiness as a responsibility

Taking on the other’s happiness as a responsibility
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“We all want our significant other to be happy with us, but it is a dangerous habit to fall into when you believe it is your responsibility to make them happy. Personal happiness is an individual choice. Taking on the role of making someone else happy will only lead to two unhappy people.” – Monte Drenner, licensed counsellor, master certified addictions professional and life coach.

Venting to your friends about your partner

Venting to your friends about your partner
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“If you’re constantly ear polluting your friends with your relationship drama, chances are you know something isn’t right and you’re seeking validation. You are avoiding dealing with the issues with the person who is creating them.” – Clarissa Silva, behavioural scientist, researcher and author.

These are the dating deal-breakers that all women have. 

Spending lots of money to make the other over

Spending lots of money to make the other over
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“Instead of a dream come true, a generous gift can be a nightmare in the making. Whether it is a new wardrobe in a style that’s not you or being sent to a wellness spa so you can finally get in shape, gifts that don’t reflect your preferences and desires may indicate overly controlling behaviour.” – D’Amour.

Believing things like “I could never stand to lose you”

Believing things like “I could never stand to lose you”
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“Making these kinds of proclamations sets you both up for a potentially difficult time because not all relationships last forever. Second, on a more realistic note, you were probably OK before you met this person, and you will be OK, should he or she walk out of your life. And third, this kind of relationship is just too intense, and that kind of intensity will not last. Relating these kinds of messages to your partner might make him or her think you are dependent on them. Dependency in a relationship is far from healthy, and when a person believes you need them, they may be reluctant to disappoint or break up with you—perhaps staying with you out of pity. On the other end, he or she might feel they can treat you any way they like because you just aren’t going anywhere.” – Jesse D. Matthews, Psy.D, PA & DE licensed psychologist.

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Always being dressed well and done up

Always being dressed well and done up
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“I’ve watched a few women, all of whom had their own unique talents, style, abilities, interests, and flair, attempt to mould themselves into a certain image they believed their husband or boyfriend desired. One in particular, a stunning nurse who earned her PhD, repeatedly and alternately dressed up or down, wore makeup or not, and expressed or repressed herself in public—all to please what she perceived her partners desired. Rather than imagining what another wants, and turning into a chameleon, partners need to be as mindful and respectful of themselves and their identities as they are mindful and respectful of others. It’s that ebb-and-flow, that interplay of personalities, that helps foster and maintain healthy, vibrant, loving and often fascinating relationships.” – Sweeney.

Planning the future

Planning the future
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“Thinking about the future is great when you’re planning to get married, start a family, or go on a big vacation. However, if you and your partner spend too much time fantasising about the future, you may be missing out on what’s happening in your lives right now.” – Jeannie Assimos, Chief of Advice at eHarmony.

Wanting to be together 24/7

Wanting to be together 24/7
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“When you spend too much time together, you become enmeshed and start to lose your own identity. You may stop doing things you like to do, you may kick friends or family to the curb, and your entire life becomes about that person. It’s an all-or-nothing mentality, and that isn’t healthy. Should it last, you will eventually wake up and realise how much of yourself or your life you have lost. And if it doesn’t last, you may find that you’re left with nothing.” –  Dr. Matthews.

Deeming your partner your “best friend”

Deeming your partner your “best friend”
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“This isn’t always bad, but in most cases, a person has a best friend already. It may not be healthy to forsake other friendships because you now have someone new and you just don’t need them anymore. If you invest everything into your relationship and your partner becomes your everything, you are likely neglecting other areas of your life or other important relationships. First of all, it’s healthy to have a variety of friendships, so you want to avoid letting friends go. And secondly, the majority of romantic relationships do end, and the majority find it difficult to maintain that ‘best friend’ status when it’s all said and done.” – Dr. Matthews.

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