40 things to stop believing about yourself after 40

Growing up, many of us idolised singers, actors, athletes, or other celebrities but part of being a grown-up is recognising how unrealistic those ideals often are and finding more appropriate role models, Dr. Belle says. “Look to your real-life support systems and work on your own goals and expectations, instead of someone you see on TV or social media,” she says.

Reframe it: “I want to live my best life, not someone else’s.”

Many younger people mistakenly think that no one at work wants to hear their ideas, thinking that their boss would rather just hear from the more experienced people, says Sheina Schochet, a psychotherapist. Not true! As you get older, you’re gaining wisdom, and while you might not be the most senior person yet, you’ve definitely got good experience.

Reframe it: “I was hired for a reason and I have valuable insights worth sharing.”

Whether you’re thinking about a house you’d like to buy or a raise you’d like to get, it can be easy to default to “I don’t deserve good things,” Schochet says. But happiness and success aren’t a zero-sum game and just because someone else may deserve something awesome doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it too.

Reframe it: “Why shouldn’t I expect good things?”

Many of today’s adults still feel an intense pressure to always know everything that’s going on with everyone but this mentality can make you feel scattered, insecure, and even fearful, says Kendra Kubala, Psy.D, a licensed psychologist. “Before the advent of social media, we were more able to gradually absorb news from others, and choose to respond at our own pace and in our own manner. Now, we may feel pressured to ‘like’ an event to avoid feeling like a hater.”

Reframe it: “I can be social without social media.”

Professional athletes make everything look easy, but they’ve spent years honing their craft, Dr. Kubala says. You may have dreamed of – and even trained for – the same goal and it can be demoralising to realise that ship has sailed.

Reframe it: “Playing sports and pursuing hobbies are worthwhile even if I never go pro.”

It’s tempting to believe that the course of your life will change irrevocably based on making the one perfect choice of a career, a university, a new job, or a relationship (especially if you watch a lot of movies!) but the reality is that lives change based on a series of choices and hardly anything can’t be changed, says Allison G. Johnsen, licensed clinical professional counsellor. Thinking this way almost ensures failure, not to mention it’s super stressful.

Reframe it: “I’ll research this and make the best choice I can. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll try something else.”

One of the best parts of getting older is the opportunity to find your “tribe” – the people who inspire and support you. It’s easy to feel left out, lonely or abandoned when you’re different but the beautiful thing about this world is that it’s full of “different” people, some who will be just like you, Johnsen says.

Reframe it: “There’s nothing wrong with me and I can push myself to try to connect, join and approach others I’d like to know more.”

Are you waiting to get married, find a new job, go to the beach, take a trapeze class, or go to the gym until the scale says you can? “Don’t wait! Start living your life now,” says Margit Berman, PhD. “Will you experience weight discrimination? You might, but don’t let it hold you back from doing what you love.”

Reframe it: “I can do anything I want to do.”

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Earning enough money to buy what you need and some of what you want is a great goal, but getting consumed with getting more money to support an ever more lavish lifestyle can become a vicious cycle, says Jonathan Alpert, psychotherapist and author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. “Upon close examination, I find many peoples’ idea of a “good life” is warped and largely influenced by Hollywood and media,” he says. “Instead, focus on what is realistic and what you actually need.”

Reframe it: “I will live within my means.”

Nothing hurts more than being dumped, particularly if you thought that person was the love of your life. But one thing people learn as they age is that time really does heal all wounds and that there are many people who you can love, and who will love you, says Sara Stanizai, a licensed psychotherapist.

Reframe it: “I’ve had relationships before, I’ll have a relationship again.”