Every relationship needs boundaries in order to flourish.
To establish these boundaries, you and your partner need to be clear with your family’s beliefs, values, and limits.
These boundaries need to be clearly communicated and enforced by both partners.
Triangulating is the phenomenon where two people discuss the behaviour of a third.
When you speak to your partner about their mother, and then expect them to resolve the issue you have a toxic recipe for disaster.
Similarly when your mother in law discusses you with your partner it puts them in an awkward predicament.
Lose the middle-man and speak with her directly if there are issues.
Make her feel relevant
Mother-in-laws often feel left out of the lives of their children and grand-children.
Their crossing of boundaries could be an attempt to stay involved and positively contributing to the lives of those important to them.
Find ways of making her feel useful and relevant.