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Two Left Feet

Two Left Feet
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Our six-year-old does a lot of trash talking for someone who puts his shoes on the wrong feet 30 per cent of the time. —@dad_in_brief

Time is a Construct

Time is a Construct
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Sorry we’re late. I let my kid tie his own shoes.

—@Mom_Overboard

Unsolved Mysteries

Unsolved Mysteries
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If I, as a mum, don’t know where something is in this house, it means it’s gone forever.

—@momtruths2btold

Strange Habits

Strange Habits
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I’m a parent. My hobbies include watching fresh produce rot in my fridge and telling my kids that they should have done what I asked the first time.

—@PetrickSara

No Rest for the Wicked

No Rest for the Wicked
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Friend: What’s that thing where you’re always tired but can never get rest?

Me: Parenthood. —@MyMomologue

A Real Relic

A Real Relic
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Seven-year-old: “Wow, this must be an antique! It’s from way back in the 1900s!”

Me: “Okay, calm down. It’s from 1997.”

—@maughammom

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Picky Eaters

Picky Eaters
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My favourite thing about buying food in bulk is when my kids immediately decide that they now hate that food. —@bluebonetbabies

Three Stars

Three Stars
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She poops too much: my son’s review of his new baby sister. —@UnfilteredMama

Practice Makes Perfect

Practice Makes Perfect
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Prepare your spouse for parenthood by waking them up at 3 am to tell them it’s not raining and then demand some cheese. —@MacgyveringM22

Pressing Matters

Pressing Matters
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Real question my kids got out of bed to ask me: “Mum, do you have any twigs I can use?”

—@ashleyaustrew

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