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Magazine

Mum Jokes

Conicidence

A little boy in my infant class came into school and told me he could spell his mum’s name.

“M-U-M,” he said proudly. Before I could congratulate him, another little boy said... read more


How do I look?

My mother moved towns and went for her first visit to her new doctor’s surgery. The doctor looked through her extensive medical paperwork containing her health history and then looked at my mother... read more


Spitting image

I was showing off my drawing skills to my four-year-old one day. I would sketch different things and then ask him to recognise them. My boy was doing really well until I drew an angry face and he... read more


Blissfully lost

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into my garden one afternoon. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he was well looked after. I gave him a few pats on the head and he followed me... read more


Voices in the night

My mum is quite elderly and has a vivid imagination, so when she called me in the middle of the night to say she’d heard a voice speaking to her, I was sceptical.

“Something’s wrong... read more


Make me an offer

After a rough day spent corralling my rowdy kids, I’d had enough. “I think I’m going to sell them,” I hissed to my sister.

“You’re crazy,” she said.

“For thinking of... read more


Drinking problem

My mother joined a Weight Watchers group. At the first session, the group leader explained the healthy-eating plans everyone should follow, including drinking at least six to eight glasses of... read more


Nature’s bounty

I visited my daughter bearing gifts: summer squash from my garden.

“What should I do with it?” she asked.

“Whatever you would do with zucchini,” I replied.

“OK... read more


First class retort

Overheard on an airplane, a mother to a disgruntled teen:

“Well, honey, maybe you can talk to the airline and they can upgrade you to a better family.”


The Great Tweet-off: Parenting Edition

Kids and family are rich veins of humour for comedians on Twitter – both those who have them, and those who fear the very idea. See who you think is funnier:

New Parent Idea: 1. Take... read more


Name-calling

A husband who has six children begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. But after a few years, she’s grown tired of it. “Mother... read more


Grave misgivings

Fresh out of gift ideas, a man buys his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he buys her nothing, and immediately she yells at him.

“What are you... read more


Bad sign

Yesterday my mother asked me to hand out the invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party.

That’s when I realised he was her favourite twin.


Wrong end

Feeling sick, my sister grabbed the thermometer from the medicine cabinet and popped it into her mouth.

“Uh, Julie, that’s the dog’s thermometer,” said my mother.

Julie... read more


School of life

A woman walked with her young child to school. When she got there, she heard the teacher whisper to another, “That child looks like a dog!” Outraged, the woman told the teacher she was going to... read more

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