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Chapter One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Groan

Chapter One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Groan
PEDRORAMOSPHOTO/SHUTTERSTOCK

Professor Quirrell walks into a bar, unwraps his turban, and presents the Dark Lord’s face to the barman. The Dark Lord orders a beer.

“Sorry, can’t serve you,” the barman says. “You’re already out of your head.”

Q. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?

Q. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
VIKITORA/SHUTTERSTOCK

A. Just one. He puts his wand in the cauldron and the world revolves around him.

Q. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?

Q. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?
ARTHURSTOCK/SHUTTERSTOCK

A. Because he only has followers, not friends.

Check out some more silly jokes about computers and technology.

Q. What's the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?

Q. What's the difference between a comma and Crookshanks?
DAVIDTB/SHUTTERSTOCK

A. Crookshanks has claws at the end of his paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Q. Where can you find Dumbledore's Army?

Q. Where can you find Dumbledore's Army?
ACIDMIT/SHUTTERSTOCK

A. Up his sleeve-y!

Q. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?

Q. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?
HELENABDULLAH/SHUTTERSTOCK

A. Because he can’t control his pupils.

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Knock! Knock!

Knock! Knock!
RUKSUTAKARN STUDIO/SHUTTERSTOCK

Who’s there?

You know.

You know who?

Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA!

Check out some more of our favourite dumb and funny jokes.

Chapter Two: Harry Potter and the Pub-Joke Prince

Chapter Two: Harry Potter and the Pub-Joke Prince
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The barman says, We don’t serve time-travellers here.”

Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner.

A wizard walks into a pub...

A wizard walks into a pub...
KIRYL LIS/SHUTTERSTOCK

…and orders a Forgetfulness Potion. He turns to the witch next to him and says, “So, do I come here often?”

Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub...

Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub...
JRP STUDIO/SHUTTERSTOCK

The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”

The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”

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