Compliments you didn’t realise are actually pretty insulting

There’s nothing single people love more than being publicly and repeatedly reminded of their single status, right? Of course not. Add in a bewildering ‘but you’re so pretty’ and you’re implying that not only are they sad spinsters but that there must be something else wrong with them keeping them that way, Chapman explains. As a rule, don’t comment on someone else’s relationship status unless she brings up the topic first.

This ‘compliment’ reads both as an insult to their reproductive choices – ”You have too many kids” – and to their children, implying they must be a saint to deal with them. “It is common for people to hide judgments on life choices in compliments,” says Dr Susan Henney, a professor of psychology. “We want to be polite but we also want our opinion to be heard.”

What you’re really saying is, “Buck up, you grump. I’m in a good mood, so you should be too” which assumes that everyone is just like you or is having exactly the same kind of day as you, Henney says. “Since it is often said from men to women, it can also be interpreted as the female not pleasing the male by being charming and agreeable at all times.” Bottom line: you are not in charge of other people’s moods. Want someone to smile? Pay them a genuine compliment or tell them a joke.

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Weight is such a sensitive topic for so many people that you really shouldn’t give unsolicited comments about a person’s shape or size, even if you think you’re being kind, says psychotherapist Dr John Moore. “I’ve had clients, both women and men, cry in my office because they were told something just like this, it can be devastating,” he explains. Not sure what to say? Follow the other person’s cues. If they want to talk about their weight loss, they will bring it up.

“The second part of this sentence is ‘and what on earth is she doing with you?’” explains Backe. Complimenting the looks of someone’s significant other never ends well because you’re obviously checking that person out and comparing them to others. You can, however, tell your friend that they seem to have found someone really special or compliment the relationship.

Do you mean to say that they don’t look attractive to you unless they paint over their natural features? Because that is what this can come across as saying. There’s nothing wrong with wearing makeup or complimenting someone’s makeup, just don’t imply that they’re hideous without it, says wellbeing coach Shira Taylor Gura.

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Source: RD.com