40 things to stop believing about yourself after 40

Social anxiety is a real thing and it can be very debilitating but it doesn’t have to rule your life and you can overcome your fears. “Start by recognising that just because you have a thought, it does not mean it is true,” says Jennifer Welbel, licensed professional counsellor. “You have thoughts all the time that you don’t give meaning or credence to.” Then take small steps to increase your comfort with a larger social circle.

Reframe it: “It may feel scary at first, but I will try to make one new friend tonight.”

It’s very common to worry about what people will think of your appearance, including your clothing, accessories and makeup, but while those things can help make a good first impression, it’s important to remember they don’t define who you are, says Prakash Masand, MD, a psychiatrist and founder of the Centers of Psychiatric Excellence.

Reframe it: “It’s fine to leave the house even if I don’t look perfect.”

It’s one thing to look at a long to-do list and want to go back to bed, it’s entirely another to actually do it. Hiding your head in the sand will only make your problems snowball, says Dr. Masand. “Start small,” he says. “Break your day down into smaller, more manageable tasks. This will help you feel better about all that you have to accomplish.”

Reframe it: “I can’t do everything, but I can do this one thing.”

Imposter syndrome is where you feel like if people knew what you are really like, they’d realise you’re a total fraud. This syndrome is really common in people first starting out in their career, but this fear doesn’t usually jive with reality, says Anne Rice, a licensed professional counsellor.

Reframe it: “I know what I’m doing and if I have questions I’ll ask for help.”

“Most people want to be a positive force in the world they live in, which is admirable. However, many people hang on to the idea that making the world a better place requires a drastic, earth-shattering action,” says Sal Raichbach, Psy.D, LCSW: “But no one person can save the world. Small, positive acts of kindness, like holding the door for someone, are the most effective ways to spread goodness into the world.”

Reframe it: “Every day I can brighten someone’s day with an act of kindness.”

Many young adults who grew up with smartphones, texting, Twitter, Facebook and email and have come to prefer those means of communication to face-to-face interaction but insisting on only electronic communications can hurt you professionally and personally, says Tim Lynch, Ph.D, president of Psychsoftpc.

Reframe it: “It’s worth the extra few minutes to make a real human connection.”

It’s hard not to constantly compare yourself to other parents. You can worry about what you’re doing wrong and what other parents are doing differently, but that won’t help your kids. Everyone parents differently and has to learn along the way. Work to give your kids everything that you can provide along the way and be confident in yourself.

Reframe it: “I’m doing everything I can for my kids and loving every minute of it. No one is perfect and it’s okay to make mistakes.”

Here’s the cold, hard truth: No matter how wonderful you are, some people just won’t like you. And that’s OK, says Steven M. Sultanoff, Ph.D, a licensed psychologist. Believing this can make you do extreme things to be liked and if you base your self-worth on being liked it can lead to depression, he explains.

Reframe it: “I’ll do my best to treat everyone with kindness and respect, but I can’t make them like me.”

“Unless you’re a sociopath, everyone cares about others’ opinions to some extent,” says Michele Quintin, LSW. “The problems begin when you let someone else’s opinion define who you are or make you doubt yourself.” And if everyone always seems to disagree with you, it might be worth considering that you’re the problem.

Reframe it: “I’ll take the opinions of people whom I respect into account.”

Being vulnerable takes faith and trust, and once that is betrayed, often people close up and decide vulnerability isn’t a safe option anymore, but while it may protect you from pain, it’s also preventing you from feeling love and healing, says Kailee Place, licensed professional counsellor.

Reframe it: “Everyone gets hurt sometimes and the risk is worth the reward.”