7 reasons you keep thinking about someone – and how to stop

Before you can stop thinking about someone, give yourself time to feel angry, sad, mad, or any other emotion.

“Acknowledging your feelings in a healthy way is part of the healing process and will help you feel better in the long run,” Dr Hafeez says. “Once you have had time to grieve and feel all types of emotions, this will mitigate your sadness, leave you thinking less about the person, and leave you with nothing left to replay in your head.”

Discover 14 ways a good cry affects your body and mind.

Let go of any anger or resentment you may have towards the person.

“Holding onto anger is not good for your mental health because you extend the pain you felt from your ex or a particular situation, which adds more stress to your life,” Dr Hafeez says.

Letting go of anger and offering forgiveness allows you to live in the present moment, ease your pain, and set yourself free from someone else.

There are 9 types of anger: which one is yours?

Get ready to start a journal.

Writing your thoughts and feelings down can help you understand them more clearly, gain control of your emotions, and help you figure out how to feel better, according to Dr Hafeez.

“Getting all of your built-up emotions out of your head can heal your broken heart, thus help you stop thinking about someone,” she says.

Hokemeyer says putting pen to paper moves the experience out of the primitive part of your brain, your limbic system, and into the most sophisticated part of your brain, your prefrontal cortex.

He suggests listing why the relationship, friendship, or connection didn’t work and listing what hurts.

“Allow these feelings to flow unedited,” he says. “Don’t be ashamed to list things like hurt pride or a bruised ego.”

Finally, make a list of the lessons learned and what you can do better in the future.

Once you’ve completed these three lists, keep them in a place you can revisit them daily. Then give yourself 90 days to focus on the list and make sense out of the experience, Hokemeyer recommends.

Greer recommends really trying to focus on what made the relationship or friendship so special and so meaningful to you. Your understanding of this will inform your other connections.

Essentially, the story that you tell yourself about what the person meant to you is impactful. You can use this knowledge to move your life in a positive direction, says Hokemeyer.

“There are specific and clearly articulated reasons why the person you’re obsessing about came into your life,” he says. “Instead of allowing your emotional and intellectual capital to be drained by a host of negative emotions, such as resentment, betrayal and loss […] focus on the positive things you’ve learned about yourself in the process.”

It may sound counterintuitive, but setting aside a specific amount of time to think about someone is a good tactic, says Greer.

“Try and structure when you’re going to think about them so that you acknowledge to yourself that you missed them and reflect on what you valued in the relationship that you had with them, instead of letting them pop into your head all the time,” she says.

Did your ex randomly just pop into your head? Sorry, but you have plans to think about her today after dinner. Tell yourself to hang tight until your scheduled session.

This trick gives you the room to feel your feelings without incessant thoughts disrupting your active life, Greer says.

Another helpful way to stop thinking about someone is to establish boundaries with yourself and sometimes with the other person. (This is especially true for ex-romantic relationships.)

For example, make it clear to yourself what is best for you, what you need, and what you don’t need from the person in order to start the process of moving forward, Dr Hafeez says.

If your ex keeps messaging you, make it clear to him that in order to move on, you do not want him to reach out. This will help him fade from your mind and give you the time to grow and heal, says Dr Hafeez.

Another way to set boundaries: Delete old photos from your phone.

“If looking at past photos triggers you and causes you to constantly think about someone, deleting them from your phone may be an important step to move forward and clear them from your mind,” Dr Hafeez says.

Learn how to delete 99 per cent of your digital footprint.

If you cut off communication and give yourself time away from the person you can’t stop thinking about, you allow yourself to heal fully, and your romantic bond will eventually break, according to Dr Hafeez.

This might mean blocking a former friend or lost connection on social media, Greer says. It doesn’t have to be permanent, but it’s hard to stop thinking about someone if their pictures and updates are always on your timeline.

This is how to tell if someone blocked you on Facebook.

Indulging in “you time” or self-care can also make you feel less stressed and can rejuvenate your mind, Dr Hafeez says.

“Focus on personal goals and the present moment to help you make the most of your life and get to that happy place again,” she says.

This might mean dating, starting a workout routine, or joining an art class. Taking active steps to focus on yourself is a good way to get someone off your mind and prioritise you.

“Spend time with family and friends, try a new restaurant, or enjoy a spa day,” says Dr Hafeez. “Whatever it is that you do, give yourself love and attention to clear your mind and focus on yourself.”

Be inspired by these 13 goal-setting tips from mental health experts.

Greer suggests looking at other relationships or friendships in your life to see if you are experiencing any of the same kinds of positive feelings you miss from the person you’re trying not to think about. You may want to crack open your journal again for this step.

Consider how you might enhance those relationships or how you might even meet new people so you don’t stay stuck in the past.

It’s helpful to acknowledge what made that connection so significant and powerful. Doing so will help you figure out how you can replicate the feeling in your current relationships and how you can have that in your life going forward, according to Greer.

Here are 12 simple ways to make friends as an adult.

Of course, if you can’t stop thinking about someone after trying the above techniques, it may be helpful to speak to a therapist to stop the ruminating.

“A therapist can help you confront your feelings and teach you ways to deal with difficult emotions, eventually leading to no longer thinking about someone,” Dr Hafeez says.

A mental health expert can help you navigate the process and may recommend treatments such as support groups, anxiety medication, or antidepressants.

Sign up here to have Reader’s Digest’s favourite stories straight to your inbox.

Source: RD.com