When Anne and Dudley O’Sullivan decided to finally downsize at the age of 89 they were surprised the hardest part was saying goodbye to their beloved book collection.
“We had thousands of books we had collected over the years. Getting rid of some was hard. Choosing what to take was the biggest decision,” says Anne.
With an ageing population, the ‘downsizing dilemma’ is one confronting thousands of older Australians at the moment – a difficult decision that involves saying goodbye to a family home that contains memories in every room.
For the Sydney couple they weren’t forced to move – there was no urgent health crisis or emergency. But instead of waiting for one, they made the choice to downsize into independent living before circumstances took the decision away from them.
“We knew we didn’t need the large space we had in our old house. We just decided it was time to move. The house we were in fulfilled all our needs at the time, but we are not having big parties or anything anymore so that’s mainly why we were ready,” says Dudley.
Research shows most downsizers want to stay in their local area and for Anne and Dudley the decision to move into ‘The Grove by Elysium’ run by St Basil’s NSW/ACT was an easy one. They could see their new apartment from the back balcony of their existing house.
Letting go is the hardest part
Even when the decision is clear, the process of letting go is rarely simple. Anne and Dudley’s home was filled with items that held sentimental value from Dudley’s mother’s 1927 dining table to furniture passed down from family.
“Some of it we passed down to our grandchildren. One of our granddaughters has the old dining table now,” says Anne.
“Other pieces were donated to the Salvos which is nice knowing that someone else would benefit from them. You can’t keep it all,” she says.
A simpler life
Since moving into Elysium Independent Living, life has become easier and more enjoyable for Anne and Dudley.
“Living in a smaller space, it is so easy to keep clean. We don’t have to do any maintenance. If anything goes wrong, we just call somebody to come and fix it,” Anne says.
The couple have embraced the social side of St Basil’s. They take part in yoga, walking groups, and pool exercises, as well as Friday night happy hours and community dinners. Anne and Dudley have found connection and routine all within walking distance of their new home.
Dudley, who has balance and vision difficulties, uses the onsite pool most days. Anne enjoys her daily walks and appreciates the safety and support available.
“We have comfort knowing that if anything happens, if one of us has a health emergency then we are already here. We don’t have to move again,” says Dudley.
Professional support makes it easier
Helping them through the transition was their granddaughter Emma O’Sullivan, a professional organiser who has made a career of helping older Australians downsize and settle into retirement communities like St Basil’s.
“Helping my own grandparents downsize gave me a whole new perspective. It’s one thing to do this work professionally, but when it’s your own family, you really feel how emotional and overwhelming it can be,” Emma says.
Emma now runs her business, Mum’s PA, which helps families through the process, managing everything from organising removalists and cleaners to decluttering and setting up the new home.
“With my own grandparents, I saw firsthand how emotional downsizing can be, every chipped mug or old photo holds a story. That’s why we approach every client with care, patience, and respect,” she says.
Emma’s Top 5 Tips to Downsize
Based on both personal and professional experience, Emma shares her top five tips for making the process of downsizing more manageable .
1. Start five years earlier than you think you need to
If you are in your 70s, start thinking seriously about downsizing. By your 80s, the job feels too big. Earlier is easier and you get to choose.
2. Declutter gradually
Don’t try to do it all at once. Tackle it room by room and do it in stages so it doesn’t feel so overwhelming.
3. Donate what you can
It’s easier to let go when you know your belongings are going to help someone else. Think of it as passing things forward.
4. Set boundaries with family
If you are giving furniture or heirlooms to family, set a deadline they need to come and collect it by. Otherwise, it sits around and adds stress.
5. Outsource the stress
There are professionals who do this every day. Don’t try to take it all on yourself especially when you are in your 80s.
“We are where we want to be”
Anne and Dudley’s story is a reminder that downsizing doesn’t have to mean giving something up.
Their advice is simple: Don’t wait.
“We would both say do it before it’s too late. Do it while you can still choose where you live. Because if an acute event happens, you might end up somewhere you don’t want,” says Dudley.
Whether you are considering downsizing yourself or supporting a loved one through the transition, the best time to start is before life makes the decision for you.
“Downsizing can be an emotional journey, as for many they’re letting go of an entire home full of memories,” says Simony Eleftheriades, Village Manager at St Basil’s Randwick.
“The best advice I can give is to start planning early. Give yourself time to sort through belongings, involve your family and make decisions without pressure. Rushing through the downsizing process only adds unnecessary stress.”
“We always remind residents they’re not losing their independence; they’re gaining peace of mind and a more manageable lifestyle,“ she says.
For Anne and Dudley, that peace of mind is the greatest reward. They’re now surrounded by community, supported when needed, and still enjoying their independence every day.
