14 obscure etiquette rules you probably break all the time

Etiquette rules can be a tricky business. They’re far less cut-and-dry than, say, laws, and yet some are often taken just as seriously. There are plenty of etiquette rules we should never have abandoned, and even some etiquette rules that experts don’t follow anymore. Oh, and there are plenty of little rules that you’ve likely never even heard of, or maybe heard once but never took seriously, that you’re probably breaking all the time. After all, even Emily Post had her not-so-polite moments.

You probably already know that you should bring a gift to a party or gathering when someone is hosting you, in exchange for their hospitality. But what’s a bit more surprising is the fact that you really shouldn’t be expecting to partake in it yourself. For instance, “bringing a bottle of wine as a hostess gift and then expecting it to be opened during the party because it’s your favourite vintage,” explains etiquette expert Lisa Grotts. “It’s a gift – not a gift to yourself!” The hostess gift, she maintains, is to be enjoyed by the hostess (or host, of course). If you’re receiving a gift, it’s also important to write a heartfelt thank you note so you can express your gratitude.

Read on for the power of Thank You.

In our 21st-century world of casual gatherings – think Facebook invites and text chains – you might think it’s okay to just let your RSVP slide if you can’t make it. But no – it’s still disrespectful! “RSVPs are for accepts and regrets,” Grotts says. “Never leave your host hanging.”

Don’t miss these etiquette rules we should never have abandoned.

We’ve all asked for a tweak to something on a restaurant menu at some point – hold this, add that, prepare this dish slightly differently. And while Grotts says that that’s fine in many circumstances (as long as you’re polite about it, of course), she says that you absolutely should not do it when you’ve been invited out to eat. If someone else is paying for your meal, sticking to the predetermined menu is the respectful thing to do – especially if they chose the place.

These are some of the things polite people don’t do in restaurants.

If you’re seated at the dinner table, a restaurant, a party, etc, and have to get up, don’t tell your party where you’re going, Grotts says. If you excuse yourself, “announcing where you are going during a meal, such as to the bathroom or to make a phone call, is uncouth,” she says. It seems a little counterintuitive since it probably seems ruder to just leave without providing any information, but hey, that’s likely why it’s an obscure rule. Grotts says that no matter where you’re going, you simply need to say “please excuse me.” In other words, even if it might seem benign, it can come across as TMI.

It’s tempting. It’s human nature. But, for etiquette’s sake, resist the urge, implores Grotts. “Gossiping about others is toxic behaviour,” she says.

Check out this one magic phrase that will stop gossip in its tracks.

That’s right; we’re getting into food-related etiquette rules. Grotts says that you should not be cutting all of your food before you eat it; cut and eat one piece at a time. “Cutting all foods on your plate at once is a food crime,” she says. “The rule is one piece at a time. You’re an adult, not a baby.”

Here’s another food-related one you’ve probably never known about. When you hand someone salt and/or pepper, you should be handing them the other one as well, according to proper etiquette. “Salt and pepper are always passed together, just in case someone five seats away wants both,” Grotts says. Sure, that may not be the case, but it can’t hurt, can it?

If you’re at a large enough table where food needs to be passed, you should be passing it to the right, not the left, in other words, make sure you’re going anti-clockwise. This is another rule that might seem somewhat arbitrary, but Grotts explains it: “People are [generally] right-handed; therefore, we go anti-clockwise. That way they hold the plate with their left hand and serve with the right.” Of course, this isn’t ideal for left-handed people.

Learn about 10 hidden dangers of being left-handed.

When you’re introducing someone who uses a formal title, use that title in the introduction! “It’s poor etiquette to disregard rank in introductions,” Grotts says. “If someone has a title – think doctor, admiral – then use it; they earned it.” It might seem old-fashioned, but it’s still good etiquette!

These are the etiquette mistakes you need to stop making by 30.