These 18 comforting quotes may help you cope after a loved one’s death

Grief, simply put, is adjusting to a loss. It can be the loss of a loved one, a dream, a job, or a faith. It can be big or small, last for hours or years, feel as sharp as the cut of a knife or dull as a deep bruise. No matter the specific circumstances, grief is always normal.

“Grief isn’t an illness. It’s not a sign something went wrong. It’s actually a sign something is going right,” says licensed social worker and psychotherapist Abigail Nathanson, a professor of grief and trauma. “Grief is simply a part of having relationships. We’re hardwired to seek out relationships, and we’re hardwired to mourn when they end.”

Knowing that grieving is both expected and understandable is the first step to coping with the pain. “The goal of grief is not ‘How do I stop being sad?’ but ‘How do I carry this and still live my life in a meaningful way?” says Nathanson.

There is no one “right” way to grieve, nor is there a prescription for getting through it. However, there are some things that many people find helpful during the process, she says. One of the most beneficial things for people mourning any loss is to find a community of others who understand and can sympathise. One way to do that is through reading mourning quotes from people who have loved and lost and lived to talk about it.

Mourning quotes to help you cope

“What is lovely never dies but passes into other loveliness—stardust or seafoam, flower or winged air.” —Thomas Bailey Aldrich, writer and poet

The reason gravestones exist is to help people remember their loved ones who have passed on, but grave markers aren’t the only way to honour someone’s memory. Plant their favourite flower, scatter their ashes at their favourite place, or simply go somewhere that reminds you of them.

“The timing of death, like the ending of a story, gives a changed meaning to what preceded it.” —Mary Catherine Bateson, author

Some people find it helpful to their grieving process to look for a greater meaning from their loved one’s life or loss. What did they contribute to the world? To you? Cultural or religious traditions can help in this regard, like what you can learn about grieving from Day of the Dead.

“The irony of grief is that the person you most want to talk to about it is no longer here.” —Anonymous

Grieving is normal, but if you get stuck in the process and find your daily life suffering, it’s time to talk to someone about it. A close friend or family member can help, or look for a therapist trained in grief.

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“Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves, sometimes calm and sometimes overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” —Vicki Harrison, author

Grief doesn’t flow in a logical progression from harder to easier. It can wax and wane for years and then feel suddenly intense again when you pass a milestone without your loved one – like getting married years after your father died. Mourning quotes like this one from Harrison are a reminder that feeling grief again doesn’t mean you’re moving backward.

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“Irrespective of age, we mourn for those loved and lost. Mourning is one of the deepest expressions of pure love.” —Russell M. Nelson, religious leader

It’s the most poignant type of pain: If you didn’t love someone so deeply, it wouldn’t hurt so much to lose them. You can’t have love without grief, nor grief without love.

“Grief in two parts: the loss of one life, the remaking of another.” —Anonymous

Mourning is often not a simple process. People are complicated, and so is the grieving of them. Regardless of how you feel about the person and their death (and it’s appropriate to feel many conflicting feelings), their life changed yours in some way. It may help you to identify those ways, both good and bad.

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“The only cure for grief is to grieve.” —Earl Grollman, writer

It’s true that there’s no wrong way to grieve, and for many people, anger and denial are part of the process. The key is to keep moving forward rather than ignoring your grief or pushing it away. Grief will find a way out.

“Perhaps they are not stars in the sky but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy.” —Traditional Inuit saying

Regardless of whether or not you believe in heaven or any type of afterlife, many people find comfort in looking for signs that remind them of their loved ones. You might think of them after spotting a shooting star, for instance.

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“If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness and the willingness to remain vulnerable.” —Anne Morrow Lindbergh, author

It’s often the biggest storms in our lives that teach us the most important lessons. Ponder what your loved one may have wanted to teach you or what positive ways you can grow and change from the experience.