Are you a word nerd? You’re in the right place. Whether the thesaurus is your friend or foe (your confidante or nemesis), it’s a book to keep on hand (hereabouts or accessible) so you can find a word that’s just right (consummate, first-rate, and dandy!). Plus, etymology is comedy gold, people. Get ready for some wordplay—all puns intended!
Raising the bar
A dictionary, an encyclopedia, and a thesaurus walk into a bar. The mixologist takes one look at them and quips, “What is this—a jest, mockery, target practice, repartee, facetiousness, drollery, banter, or a knee-slapper?” Please joke responsibly when drinking (and when not).
Did you hear the one about the monkey who could read the thesaurus? He was hanging on every word.
What’s another word in the thesaurus for mother? Can’t say. Mum’s the word! Yo Mama!
What did the book reviewer say about the thesaurus? Don’t arbitrate, assess, decree, estimate, mediate, reckon with, evaluate, or appraise a book by its cover.
Don’t miss these 12 smart jokes that anyone can remember.
Spoken in jest
What did the clown say to the thesaurus? Put in a good word for me! Is monster a synonym for clown?
Here’s the real reason why everyone is afraid of clowns.
See how easy it is to wreck a good thing? That was a massacre! A bloodbath! Thesaurus-cide! John Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath is a beautifully eloquent title. And E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey sounds like poetry compared to that. Did you even recognise The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins? Actually, maybe Ernest Hemingway should have gone with An Adieu to Limbs over A Farewell to Arms? And let’s round out the list with J. R. R. Tolkien’s orbicularly titled The Lord of the Rings.
Ouch! Way to siphon out all the wit, Thesaurus! Did you recognise your favourite movie lines from Casablanca and Star Wars? How intimidating would Don Corleone have been in The Godfather if he’d consulted a thesaurus? You had me at “don’t use a thesaurus,” Jerry Maguire! Wouldn’t you like to hear Rhett Butler say doodley-squat at the end of Gone with the Wind? Um, yeah, maybe not.
Start the day with a pun
What do lexicographers prefer for breakfast? Synonym rolls. Bah-dum-tiss! That was so punny!
Did you recognise your favourite tunes? Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance—ring a bell? And also, You Can’t Always Get What You Want by the Rolling Stones. How about some Light My Fire by the Doors? And then there’s Bruce Springsteen with Born to Run. Finally, how much gratitude do we have for the fact that Simon and Garfunkel probably didn’t use a thesaurus when they wrote Bridge Over Troubled Water? That said, some lyrics are confusing just as they are.
All you can eat
Why did the writer stop using his thesaurus? Because he bit off more than he could masticate.
What do logophiles do when you tell them to hit the books? First, they consult their thesaurus. Next, they swat, thwack, larrup, spank, bust, sock, wallop, punch, and clobber the literary paperbound publications.
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