Funny Halloween jokes

Funny Halloween jokes
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Halloween might primarily be a scary holiday, but that doesn’t mean it’s not also pretty darn funny. While you’re coming up with the best ideas for Halloween costumes, get a laugh (and maybe some inspiration!) from these silly Halloween jokes, which poke fun at your favourite ghosts and ghouls. They’re not so scary when you can laugh at them, right?

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Funny Halloween jokes

Funny Halloween jokes
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Q: What’s a ghoul’s favourite drink?

A: Anything with boos.

Q: What are a monster’s favourite pets?

A: Creepy crawlies.

Q: What did people say when the Headless Horseman started dating a zombie?

A: He’s lost his head!

Q: What is a mummy’s favourite sandwich?

A: A head cheese wrap.

Q: What’s in a ghost’s nose?

A: Boo-gers.

Q: What does a panda ghost eat?

A: Bam-BOO!

Q: What do ghosts use to do their makeup?

A: Vanishing cream.

Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?

A: Spook-hetti!

Q: What did the mummy ghost say to the noisy young ghost who kept interrupting?

A: “Spook when you’re spooken to.”

Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurry?

A: Spooktacles.

Q: Why do female ghosts go on a diet?

A: So they can keep their ghoulish figure.

Q: Where does a ghost go on holiday?

A: Mali-boo.

Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

A: Because you can see right through them.

Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

A: Sham-boo!

Q: What’s a monster’s favourite show?

A: Romeo and Ghouliet.

Q: What’s a mummy’s favourite way to relax?

A: Solving cryptograms.

Halloween dad jokes

Halloween dad jokes
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Staying in on the big night this year? Cue up one of these Halloween movies for spooktacular chills and thrills.

Q: What do you get when you put a spider on an ear of corn?

A: A cobweb.

Q: What do you call a spider with 20 eyes?

A: A spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider.

Q: The maker of this product does not want it, the buyer does not use it and the user does not see it. What is it?

A: A coffin.

Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

A: When you’re a mouse.

Q: What is a pause in work at a mortuary called?

A: A coffin break.

Q: What kind of monster loves to disco?

A: The boogieman.

Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow eat dinner?

A: He was already stuffed.

Q: Why was the jack-o’-lantern afraid to cross the road?

A: He had no guts.

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A: A plumpkin.

Q: Are any Halloween monsters good at maths?

A: No—unless you Count Dracula!

Q: How do you fix a broken jack-o’-lantern?

A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: Why didn’t the zombie go to school?

A: He felt rotten.

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?

A: Because there are so many plots there.

Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?

A: Wrap!

Q: Where do ghosts like to travel on holiday?

A: The Dead Sea.

Q: Why are zombies so hard to understand?

A: They’re very crypt-ic.

Halloween jokes for kids

Halloween jokes for kids
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Dad jokes are always funny, and they pair perfectly with Halloween jokes for kids!

Q: Why did the vampire fail art?

A: He only knew how to draw blood.

Q: On which street did the zombie buy a home?

A: The one with the dead end.

Q: What does a zombie call his parents?

A: Mummy and Deady.

Q: Why is Christmas a mummy’s favourite holiday?

A: He gets to do all the wrapping.

Q: What monster plays tricks on Halloween?

A: Prank-enstein!

Q: How do ghosts get their hair to stay in place?

A: They use scare-spray.

Q: Why do vampires have a hard time making friends?

A: Because they are a pain in the neck.

Q: How do you know a skeleton is sick?

A: He’s coffin.

Q: What do ghosts tell around the campfire?

A: Scary human stories.

Q: Where do devilled eggs come from?

A: Evil hens.

Q: Where do toddler ghosts stay when their parents are at work?

A: Day scare!

Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13?

A: Time to get a new clock.

Q: How can you tell if a ghost is scared?

A: He’s white as a sheet.

Q: What is a zombie’s favourite appetiser?

A: Finger food!

Q: What did the child mummy want to be when he grew up?

A: A wrap star.

Q: How did the jack-o’-lantern become a murderer?

A: He squashed someone.

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o’-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: What do you call a Halloween monster who is really bad at scaring people?

A: A Halloweenie!

Halloween jokes for adults

Halloween jokes for adults
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If you’re throwing a monster mash this year, check out the best Halloween party ideas, including Halloween bingo, to play with the group.

Q: What does Elon Musk do on Halloween?

A: He goes trick-or-tweeting.

Q: Why did they discontinue making spider silk pants?

A: They looked great, but the fly kept getting stuck.

Q: Why did the mummy never take a vacation day?

A: She didn’t know how to unwind.

 Q: How many skeletons do you have in your closet?

A: None, but that’s just because the body hasn’t decomposed yet.

Q: What type of Halloween books do pumpkins write?

A: Pulp fiction.

Q: Why did the zombie get kicked out of church?

A: It tried to eat the organ.

Q: What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?

A: Wait for it—it will dawn on you.

Q: Why are monsters so into astrology?

A: They love reading their horror-scope.

Q: What happens if you forget to pay your exorcist?

A: You get repossessed.

Q: What do ghosts order at the bar?

A: Boos. And then they leave sheet-faced.

Q: What happens when pumpkins drink alcohol?

A: They get smashed.

Q: How do you buy things on the dark web?

A: With crypt-ocurrency!

Q: What is the best Halloween pickup line?

A: Are you a ghost? Because you’ve been haunting my dreams.

Q: How did the real estate agent sell a home with a dozen witches in the bathtub?

A: By noting it comes complete with a self-cleaning coven.

Q: What did the vampire say to his hangry friend?

A: Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.

Q: What did the ghost say when he found out he’d been scammed?

A: It seems I’ve been bam-BOO-zled!

Q: What do skeletons do at wild parties?

A: Pass around a joint.

Funny witch jokes

Funny witch jokes
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If you’ve got a dark sense of humour, you’ll love these dark jokes on Halloween and beyond.

Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?

A: A broom closet.

Q: What do witches ask for at hotels?

A: Broom service.

Q: How do you make a witch itch?

A: Take away the W.

Q: What do you call a desert-dwelling witch?

A: A sand-witch.

Q: What do you call two witches who live together?

A: Broom-mates.

Q: What is a witch’s favourite subject in school?

A: Spelling.

Q: How do you turn off the lights on Halloween?

A: Use the lights-witch.

Q: Did you hear about the witch who got really angry while on her broomstick?

A: She flew off the handle.

Q: Why do witches wear name tags?

A: So you can tell which witch is witch.

Q: Why did the witch’s feet hurt after a long day?

A: She had candy corns.

Funny vampire jokes

Funny vampire jokes
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In the mood for a little magic? Watch one of these classic witch movies.

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween?

A: On blood vessels.

Q: Why did the vampire read the New York Times?

A: He heard it had great circulation.

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?

A: Because he had bat breath.

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

A: Frostbite.

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?

A: All the jam has been sucked out of the jam doughnuts.

Q: What’s a vampire’s least-favourite food?

A: Stake.

Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?

A: A grave problem.

Q: How do vampires start their letters?

A: “Tomb it may concern…”

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?

A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: Which fruit is a vampire’s favourite?

A: Neck-tarine!

Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?

A: A bloodhound.

Q: What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?

A: Fangs-giving.

Q: What restaurant should you never take a vampire to?

A: A stake house.

Funny skeleton jokes

Funny skeleton jokes
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To create a scary Halloween costume this year, learn how to make fake blood. Going as a vampire is just one option, of course!

Q: Why do skeletons have low self-esteem?

A: They have no body to love.

Q: What is a skeleton’s favourite dinner?

A: Spare ribs.

Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?

A: Because nothing gets under their skin.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?

A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: How do you get inside a locked cemetery at night?

A: Use a skeleton key to unlock the gates!

Q: What is a skeleton’s favourite musical instrument?

A: A trombone.

Q: Are skeletons good at painting?

A: No, they prefer making skull-ptures.

Q: What does a French skeleton say?

A: Bone-jour!

Q: Why can’t the skeleton play church hymns?

A: Because she has no organs.

Q: What do you say to a skeleton stuck in the snow?

A: You numb-skull!

Halloween knock-knock jokes

Halloween knock-knock jokes
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We’ve got more where that came from! Here are more Halloween puns you can’t help but find “humerus.”

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Abby.
  • Abby who?
  • Abby Halloween!

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Boo.
  • Boo who?
  • Don’t cry—I’m a friendly ghost!

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Ivanna.
  • Ivanna who?
  • Ivanna suck your blood!

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Ooze.
  • Ooze who?
  • Ooze your favourite Halloween monster, and why isn’t it me?

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Wanda.
  • Wanda who?
  • Wanda go out trick-or-treating with me tonight?

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Canoe.
  • Canoe who?
  • Canoe give me Halloween candy?

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Justin.
  • Justin who?
  • Justin time for your Halloween party!

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Voodoo.
  • Voodoo who?
  • Voodoo you think you are asking all these questions?

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Woo.
  • Woo who?
  • Woo-hoo! It’s finally Halloween!

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Witches.
  • Witches who?
  • Witches the way to the haunted house?

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Phillip.
  • Phillip who?
  • Phillip my Halloween bucket!

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Ima.
  • Ima who?
  • Ima do a trick if you don’t gimme a treat.

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Hans.
  • Hans who?
  • Hans off my candy, Mom!

 

  • Knock, knock.
  • Who’s there?
  • Harry.
  • Harry who?
  • Harry up and answer the door! It’s cold out here.

Corny Halloween jokes

Corny Halloween jokes
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Go all out this year with these creepy-fun outdoor Halloween decorations.

Q: What is a monster’s favourite dessert?

A: I scream!

Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?

A: Straw-berries.

Q: What room will you never find in a ghost’s house?

A: A living room.

Q: What is a ghost’s favourite position to play in hockey?

A: Ghoulie.

Q: How do you know a cemetery is popular?

A: People are just dying to get in.

Q: What do you call a cheesy Halloween dance?

A: The muenster mash.

Q: Why was the witch’s broom late?

A: It over-swept.

Q: How do you know if a skeleton is funny?

A: He has a humerus.

Q: Why did the Headless Horseman go to school?

A: To get ahead in life.

Q: Who should you hire to write a book about Halloween?

A: A ghost writer.

Q: Why are vampires terrible at baseball?

A: Their bats fly away.

Q: What do ghost brides carry on their wedding day?

A: Boo-quets.

Q: What’s the best compliment to give a vampire?

A: “You suck.”

Q: What is a zombie’s favourite food?

A: Human beans.

Q: Why did the policeman arrest the ghost scaring children on Halloween?

A: She didn’t have a haunting license.

 

Now that you’ve giggled your way through these Halloween jokes, discover these 10 Halloween urban myths that refuse to die.

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Source: RD.com

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