14 body language mistakes you didn’t know you were making

Holding your hands tightly in front of your groin is often referred to as ‘the fig leaf pose,’ and while it might feel comfortable, you still want to avoid it. “This gesture almost always indicates to other people that we’re afraid, closed off or angry,” Moore explains. And when you really take a closer look at how you’re feeling, that may actually be what’s going on. So, remind yourself before you communicate with anyone that you are safe and that you don’t need to defend yourself, Moore says. Then relax and let your arms and hands hang by your sides. If you gesture with your hands, keep them open.

Some people smile awkwardly to mask discomfort, but instead of making you look relaxed, this sends a mixed message to others. “Your face is doing the opposite of what you actually feel, and people can sense that,” Moore says. “Many people learned in childhood to laugh at discomfort or make a joke when feeling bad as a way to protect themselves, but this isn’t a good coping technique.”

To remedy this mistake, you first need to be aware of what you’re doing. Then you can work to become more comfortable with your discomfort and express your feelings in a more genuine and appropriate way. “Practise moving your face into the way it’s meant to be to properly display the emotion you’re actually feeling,” Moore suggests.

One of the most distracting things you can do during a conversation is touch your face and/or hair. “In many cases, people do this as a nervous habit and may not even realise they are doing it,” Ackaway says. “However, it can make you look anxious, ill-prepared, disinterested in the topic of discussion, or even intimidated.” So, hands off! Resist the urge to fiddle with your hair, face, clothing, handbag, or anything else. Keep your hands relaxed at your sides. If that isn’t enough, keep your hands distracted by holding a drink.

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Interrupting or talking over others is the peak of rudeness, but some people go too far in the other direction and try to stay perfectly quiet while others are talking. However, natural listeners will make some gestures and noises to show they are paying attention, LeClair says. Nodding, smiling, leaning in and making small verbal responses (“Mmm-hmm” or “Oh, I see”) all show genuine interest and enhance the connection with the person you’re speaking with, she adds.

Everyone makes mistakes with their body language, and the goal isn’t to be a perfect robot. Rather, it’s to help you become aware of what and how you’re communicating, LeClair says. Talking with others can clarify your intentions and clear up any misunderstandings. LeClair gives this real-life example: “If you don’t want to change your posture, try explaining to your conversational partner why you stand this way. For example, my hands are always cold. I tell my students that I stand with my arms crossed a lot to keep my hands warm. I let them know this information [so they don’t] assume I am frustrated or angry as we are talking. I am aware of how my non-verbals can come across, which allows me to discuss them with others if there is a misperception.”

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Source: RD.com